The Pavilion’s Lastest Effort to Get an Audience: Booze

The Pavilion Theater wants you back, baby. It's really sorry for this, this, this, this, this and this, and just wants to regain your trust and rebuild the passionate relationship that the two of you once had.

The South Slope theater's latest attempt to get moviegoers back into their styrofoam-padded purple seats involves the application of a liquor license so that they may serve beer and cocktails. Surely the owners hope that if their customers are wasted, they'll be less likely to balk at the disgusting theaters. 

Fat chance. For starters, who hasn’t already boozed it up while watching a movie in the Pavilion? I've smuggled and guzzled many 40s in that shithole while sitting through masterpieces like Bulletproof Monk and still have never had a good experience. Sure, I was drunk, which was nice, but once the movie was over it felt like an empty victory because deep down I knew I'd likely spent the last 90 minutes sitting on a family of bedbugs.

Christine Smitz, the spokesperson for the theater (and someone desperately in need of a new job, in my opinion), recently spoke to the Brooklyn Paper about the new initiative. “It’s like watching a movie in the comfort of your own home,” she explains. “It’s a trendy new thing to keep the movie-going experience modern.” I don't know about you, but in my home, the chairs are actually comfortable, the floors aren't sticky as shit, and a bottle of Heineken won't cost me $7. But other than that yeah, sure, seeing a movie at The Pavilion is just watching a movie at home. Smitz also mentions that the soon-to-be-lounge area will be a renovated space within the theater, yet makes no mention of the rest of the theater, which is currently still pretty gross.

On the bright side, this is another reminder that it’s finally legal for movie theaters in New York to sell overpriced booze alongside overpriced popcorn. Now all we need is a decent theater in Park Slope so that we may enjoy the latest movies without having to sneak in a flask or a 40.