TAKE BACK OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!

As a friend of mine once said; Observant Muslims and Chasidic Jews should drop their differences and focus instead on what they have in common: Misogyny and BO.

I’m not gonna beat around the burning bush: I’ve never been a fan of Chasids. Racist? Maybe. But in my 30 years of experience, 99.99% of my interactions with the Ultra-Jewish sect have been negative: I’ve been
ignored, shoved, condescended to, ignored, and ignored.

But Benjamin, you whiny egotistical little fuck, who gives a shit if you’ve been ignored, right? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in New York?

Close, but not exactly.

MOST of the time, New Yorkers are supposed to ignore everyone around them—especially on subways and sidewalks—but about four times a day, moments of required interaction exist:

1. Holding building and elevator doors
2. Saying “excuse me”
3. Making eye contact, pursing lips, and rolling eyes in times of idiocy or emergency (e.g., naked beggars, extended train delays, and 9/11) These required interactions accumulate and are stored in matrices that
we carry in the back of our cerebral cortex.

After a week there are approximately 28 relations stored, and after 30 years there are 43,680.

To illustrate my perceptions of the behavior of each ethnicity, I’m happy to reveal the statistical percentage breakdown of random positive interactions I’ve had with each race over the last 30 years:

Backgrounds of note and % of positive interactions:

Asian American: 79.6%
White: 74.3%
Black: 68.5%
Latino: 67.9%
Asian Asian (a.k.a OTB / Grand Street Asian): 9.6%
Chasidic Jew: 0.09%

Say what you want about how good people come in all shapes and sizes; I won’t argue. But in aggregate, the above statistics don’t lie.

So why am I going out of my way to dis the Chasids? Yep, I’m overcompensating because I’m about to defend ‘em:

There’s been a lot of hubbub this week about this post on the Chasid version of Craigslist. Now, if the following comments didn’t both compel and entertain you, you should stop reading my posts and un-follow me on Twitter:



Now like all of you, when I first read this letter, I instinctively reached for the Politically Correct low-hanging-fruit: This is discrimination! Denying housing on the basis of race or religion is a crime – how stupid are they to put this on a public forum? So disgusting how they talk about women as objects and bemoan their frum pritzus Good G-d Chasids are revolting. Think about it, though; don’t just take the easy way out all the time:

Don’t they have a right to preserve their neighborhood the way they want it? What’s wrong with having Chinatown and Jewishtown and giving them each a right to exist? Isn’t having ethnic neighborhoods OK?
If this was black people trying to protect Harlem, you’d kiss their asses and call it cultural. Who the FUCK wants to move to Jewish Crown Heights??? Do you know of a single hipster or yuppie that really wants to move to that culty psycho shithole? The fuck is wrong with them??? I’d rather live in a Scientology Org!

Don’t be so clever; for once can we have a normal discussion? Tell me what you think of these guys—do they have a right to Take Back Their Neighborhood?