Moving On...Literally [TMI]

7 years ago today my mom, Marcia Goldstein died of Multiple Myeloma. On the day of her  death-aversary, I LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT THE SHIT I'M GOING THROUGH, in the hopes it might help anyone else who's going through shit too. 

We had just moved to Park Slope in early 2007 when things started to get really bad with my mom. I was a newlywed, recently returned from an Italian honeymoon to our charming Brooklyn Brownstone apartment...and two months later my mother died. 

Needless to say, this time is forever etched in my memory.

But in the years since, I got used to the feelings of sadness that would inevitably come over me when I was in the back of the cab getting driven to JFK from Brooklyn. Remembering all the times I made this very same trip, staring out the window at the crumbling, ugly buildings and confronting the scary truth that my mom was soon going to die. 

I had grown used to the pang of sadness I'd get when exiting the subway at 9th street, on the days I'd let my mind wander back to when my husband called me right as I exited that stop to say: "your brother called...it's the end. We're booked on a flight leaving in 2 hours." 

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THIS IS WHAT CANCER LOOKS LIKE [TMI]

6 years ago today my mom, Marcia Goldstein died of Multiple Myeloma. On the death of her anniversary, I LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT THE SHIT I'M GOING THROUGH, in the hopes it might help anyone else who's going through shit too. 

This is the last picture I have of our family together before my mom died. 

I'm not sure who suggested we take a photo on this day. Our entire family had gathered at our house by this time, knowing that we were close to the end of my mom's life...and yep, somebody said aloud "let's take a picture." I remember thinking to myself: it's important that we do this now, even though I don't want to. Even though I want to run screaming out the door and pretend like none of this is happening. It's important that we do this...because we might not ever have the chance again.

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Happy 5-Year Anniversary of Your Mother's Death [TMI]

5 years ago today my mom, Marcia Goldstein died of Multiple Myeloma. On the death of her anniversary, I like to write about the shit I'm going through, in the hopes it might help anyone else who's going through shit too.

I'm not exactly sure how this started, but someone decided that we should celebrate stuff in our lives based on 5 year intervals.

• "Happy 5 year anniversary to the lovely couple!"
• "Happy 5 years being sober you former lush!"
• "Happy 5 year college reunion! Congrats on not living in your parents' house anymore!"
• "Your business is 5 years old and you're not yet bankrupt! Congratulations!"

We celebrate everything in segments of 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, and yet the one thing that we don't celebrate at all? Ever? Someone's death. 

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My Mom Died, And Now I'm More Of An Asshole [TMI]

4 years ago today my mom, Marcia Goldstein died of Multiple Myeloma. On the death of her anniversary, I like to write about the shit I'm going through, in the hopes it might help anyone else who's going through shit too.

You know how I talk about how my dog has made me a way better person? Well this whole mom dying bullshit has had the opposite effect. I'm pretty sure it's made me way more of an asshole than I already was (which is no small feat). Here's are some examples of my ongoing assholedom:

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Mother's Day Kinda Sucks If Your Mom Isn't Around Anymore [TMI]

So three years ago, my mom Marcia died of cancer. That's a pic of her above in Jamaica when she was about 25. She was too young (only 55), and I was too young, and, as you can imagine, the whole thing just suuuuuucked.

And so, duh,  Mother's Day is, pretty fucking hard for me now. And if any of you are as unlucky as I am and have also lost your mom, I'm guessing it's pretty fucking hard for you too.

So in the midst of the flowers, and the special Mother's Day brunches and the cards and all of that other crap, I just wanted to send a shoutout to all y'all to say: I FEEL YOU. Like for realz.

My suggestion: do something nice for yourself today and honor your mom in your own cool way. Or if you need to, just stay in bed all day and watch bad reality TV or Lifetime movies with a pint of ice cream...cause sometimes that's just what you might need too. We figure this shit out as we go along (this post from Gloss had some good scoop too).

If you're lucky enough to still have your mom around, go eat some fucking eggs benedict with her and tell her how much she rocks. Cause that shit ain't easy.

Happy Mother's Day and <3 to all.