9 [eh, fuck it 10] Questions: Notorious B.I.G.

9 Questions is our new semi-regular column in which attempt to get to the heart of someone's down-n-dirty "Brooklyn-ness," (or lack thereof), with the same nine simple questions.

Meet Notorious B.I.G.: the greatest rapper of all fuckin' time.

(ed note: Ok, so like, of course, we get that this isn't the *real* Biggie..cuz the real Biggie is dead. But this is Twitter Biggie. And for Twitter Biggie, its kinda just like none of that murder shit actually ever went down. Which is a very good fuckin' thing, because as I've mentioned before, I'm obsessed with Twitter Biggie. Twitter Biggie is hilarious...and watches The Hills...and kindly agreed to answer some questions for us. But our normal 9 questions were not inneresting enough for Big Poppa, so we switched shit up a bit).

1. What does Biggie order from a Chinese restaurant?
Most of the time Faye order Chinese for me, she got like a radar for the crispiest wontons. But did yall ever hit up Peaches over on Lewis? Those motherfuckers got a smothered pork chop make you pistol whip your mom, if she in the way. Come with dirty rice too.

2. Do you ever come to Park Slope? What do you think of the neighborhood?
You know, I don't get out there much any more. I did hit up a club with a few from my crew last summer, but it was some crazy shit. Skinny bitches up in the club, some fine as hell, rockin Versace, Louis Vuitton pocketbooks. But you aint gonna believe this shit, Bitches brang in they shorties?! Straight up: hos pushin strollers, slangin mad diaper bags. On the real, we hit the door quick. White people crazy.

3. What are your thoughts on Obama's win (and did you vote for him)?
Oh shit! Yall hittin Poppa in the heart. Puffy put me up on that election shit, and after that, it was ON. Poppa watched every debate like it was Toni Braxton in a thong. But real talk: Obama got every black man in America up, out his house, and to the damn polls. Them poll bitchasses couldn't find my name on the voting list, so I had to do a conditional vote or some shit. Luckily homie won, else there was bout to be some punchin up in that motherfucker. But regardless, President Obama make Poppa mad proud.

4. Favorite Blog?
I've been hittin up Oh Word for a minute now. Yall seen that ghetto big mac shit? My crew fell the fuck out when we seen that. I do some drive bys with SOHH.com, Cocaine Blunts, and The Rap Up.

5. What do you think of the upcoming biopic about your life? Did they get it right?
Oh word, that movie? I came through the set a few times, guess they been mad busy. It aint like video shoots I been in, aint nobody smokin mad blunts, or havin some food, kickin it. Motherfuckers be rushin around, hollerin at each other, talkin bout this take or that take. And if yall think you gonna come through and have a conversation? Forget that shit. Everyone too busy, rushin past, It's like you aint even there.

But let me ask you something - don't you think Gravy a little big to be playin me? I mean, I aint one of the Skinny Boys or anything, but... know what i'm sayin?

6. What are the last 5 songs you listened to on your ipod? (walkman?)
No walkman here, what, you think it's 1989? I been bumpin this:
* Weezy - "A Milli" - I don't know what the fuck this lil turtle sayin, but this beat slammin.
* Curtis Mayfield - "If there's a Hell Below, We're All Going to Go" - This bassline leading into the strings is like velvet jones.
* Beyonce - "Single Ladies" - Poppa still tight with Hova, thats all I got to say bout that.
* Gil Scott-Heron - "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" - You will not be able to stay home, brother.
* Common Feat. Kanye - "Punch Drunk Love"- Kanye and Common together? Too fly, no question bout that.

7. Is the recession affecting you at all?
Yo, I got a financial adviser talkin crazy to me, talkin bout "yall need to buy Wal-Mart, and ya Netscape stock ain't worth shit." I don't know what kinda world we livin in when we supposed to buy stock in that mess, and Netscape aint gonna make nobody rich? Can you explain that one to Poppa?

8. If you pay for it, is it cheating?
I dont know who the fuck you talkin to, but Poppa aint never paid for shit. Was it Tiff that told you that? Fuck all that bullshit, a diamond necklace and a car aint payin for it. Homegirl trippin.

9. Are you friends with @The_Real_Shaq? Do you think he deserves all the attention he's getting?
Word, homie on Twitter? Yall know, he still tight with Fu-Schnickens? Poppa aint heard that joint in a minute! "Can we rock? What's up Doc!" Back in '92 Poppa tried to bust a little fast-rap, but I guess I got a fat tongue or something, never sounded right. And fuck all that two-step shit anyway, how the fuck you supposed to break it down when you jumpin around like that? But Shaq, he sound dope - "I'm the Hoopa-Hypa, protected by a viper..." Shit was nice. I'm a get him on my list.

10. Are you a mac or a PC?
Word, Poppa's the miggedy-mac.

(ed note: shit, now I be mad crushin on Big Poppa).

'Brooklyn Go Hard': Introducing Our (V. Obvs) Choice For BK's Official New F.I.P.S. Endorsed Anthem

Kanye West produced this kick ass Jay-Z track (featuring Santogold) for Biggie's soon-to-be-released biopic (and my soon-to-be obsession) Notorious.

A. I can't stop listening to it.
B. How fucking cool is this vid? (sidenote: This is the first rap video with open source code).
B. As much as I love the Beastie Boys, I'm totally psyched to have a song that can *finally* (maybe?) kick "No Sleep Till Brooklyn's" ass.

You likey?

I *Know* Notorious B.I.G is Dead...and Probs Wasn't Very Funny. But I Follow Him on Twitter Anyway, and U Really Should Too

Le sigh.

I know I raved about Shaquille O'Neil and his mad ass twittering the other day, but I've officially got myself a new twit-session (twitter + obsession), and its everyone's fave BK son, dead rapper Notorious B.I.G.

I can't fucking get enough.

Yes I realize its totally bizarre that I've taken to peering into the world of (and interacting with!) a fake dead rap superstar, but I don't know...I sorta can't stop myself (for srs).

I mean, how in the Christ am I supposed to resist shit like this:

or my personal fave:

I mean, come AWN! I have zero clue what it actually means to "fuck up a snitch," (like a snitch as in someone who calls the po po on you?) but damn if I don't want to try it now cuz Biggie's doin it.

The dude even watches the fucking HILLS (!!)

And the Shiba Inu puppy-cam!
Oh, and he gets political too:
I mean, as far as fake personas go, you have to admit that the dude is pretty badass: witty, endearing, and predictable (yes), but with a "fuck you" tude that gets me every time.

Do you twitter?

If so, you must join this fucking party stat (and while you're at it follow F.I.P.S here).