FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Friday, April 13, 2012

illustration by Steven Weinberg

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! It's Friday the 13th y'all, so remember to avoid walking under ladders (or some crap like that). In sports news, The Rangers pulled off a win against the Senators, so the guy in this week's FIPS cartoon will be pleased. And in international news, North Korea can't get it up (their rockets, that is). 

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1900):

Back in the day, one Sheriff Walton couldn't nab some guy standing outside of school houses selling liquor-filled candy to school kids (where was this guy when I was school?!). Even better, he had a lottery game where some of his confections also had a penny shoved inside of them, so if you were the lucky kid, you could make a penny AND have some candy! Is that genius or what? Says the article: "The objection to this candy containing pennies is not only that it may encourage a taste for gambling, but that the metal is frequently found to have corroded the sugar to an extent which makes eating the candy injurious, if not actually dangerous" (but maybe it got kids interested in math?)

 

 

 [READ THE ARTICLE FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011:  In Search Of The Next Aflac Fuck...Errm...I Mean Duck
• 2010:  Who Gives A Shit: North Slope v. South Slope?
• 2009:  UNDERCOVER: PARK SLOPE FOOD COOP [FIGHT NIGHT]

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Thursday, April 12, 2012

photo by Deepti Sahrawat

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In judicial news, the guv'ment is suing Apple over e-book pricing, and in murderous New Yorkers news, am I the only one who thinks "Slay-ma" is the like, the worst of the worst?

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1900):

On this day in 1900 Brooklynites were expecting to find hail and sleet on the ground in the early morning hours. Snow in April is not something totally out of the ordinary. The article also described an unusually warm March with no snow, kinda' like ours has been this year. But here's the part of the article that made me take pause: "It was a reminder of the olden days when the current bushes, besides being laden with clusters of their little red berries, were buried under 6 inches of snow on the Fourth of July." Say what?! Fourth of July? Snow? Shit really is warming up on this planet. And here I am thinking, remember when we used to wear coats in March? If only "the weather profit" could tell us how it's going to be. 

 

 [FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: S Clubs Doesn't Hire 'Publicly Registered Deviants'
• 2010: Who Gives A Shit: So *Is* Park Slope Really The Best Place to Live in NYC?

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Wednesday, April 11, 2012

photo by Flickr User A Crom

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In today's politics, Rick Santorum is suspending his campaign. Speaking of gay, here's something you don't see everyday in crime news: a murderous, Satanic gay male escort.  

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1941):

In what was called a "crime worse than robbery," two butchers were brought before a Coney Island Magistrate to face charges of delivering 841 lbs of meat to a customer, and charging for 885 lbs. To quote Magistrate De Andrea "A robber gives you warning as to what he's doing." The NYT also spelled 'robber' with three b's (or maybe the Magistrate had a stutter?). One of the butcher boys was 27 year-old Julius Edelstein from right here on Prospect Ave. Their punishment? A $50 fine.  

 [FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: What's the Deal With the 7th Avenue F/G Stop Turnstiles?
• 2010: It Happened One Weekend in Park Slope [COFFEE WARS, REALITY TV AND WE WON!]
• 2009: The Lost Tribes Of NYC

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Tuesday, April 10, 2012

photo entitled "Ch Ch Changes" by Park Slope Lens

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In weather news, since I am morbidly addicted to extreme weather, let's take a look at some extreme weather pics of the week.   And in celeb goss, thank the good Lord that Alec Baldwin's stalker has been caught. I didn't even know ABal had a stalker. 

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1895):

As part of my ongoing month of old time Brooklyn retail therapy coverage, here's an ad from the April 10, 1895 edition of the Brooklyn Eagle. It is titled "An Attractive Woman" and begins with, "If a woman is not attractive, there is something wrong." It's pretty safe to say that this ad is the sum total of all female self-esteem issues. "Half of the women one meets are semi-invalids," it continues. "Carelessness and ignorance and neglect have made it so." This is bad, but let us find one more nugget in the article to really make the ladies feel like shit...

"These things bring about sunken, circled eyes, the hollow cheeks, the pale and sallow skin, the flabby strengthless flesh which characterize the appearance of the woman who suffers from 'female weakness'."

Damn, who was the late 19th century Mad Men dick who thought up this ad campaign?

But ladies, don't worry -- the answer to all your feminine woes lies in Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription. And that's basically all the ad says to describe this mystery product that allegedly makes women not gross.  It also comes with a coupon for a free "treatise of 168 pages" about a woman's particular ailments (which sounds like a blast). 

And if you just don't care about being attractive, just fuck it and get some shoes from Burt's for Easter.

 

 [READ THE FULL RIDICULOUS AD FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: Here's Park Slope: A New Ice Cream Shop and South Brooklyn Pizza!
• 2010: COFFEE WARS: Gorilla Coffee SPEAKS
• 2009: Half-Assed REVIEW: Tomato & Basil Pizza

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Monday, April 9, 2012

photo by Flickr User Retrofresh!

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In memoriam news, Mike Wallace, star of 60 Minutes, has died. RIP, Wallace -- you had a pretty damn good run. And in boring golf news, Bubba Watson went from being into the woods to being the master of the Masters. 

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1866):

In 1866 the story buzzing about in every Brooklynite's ear was whether Albany would pass a bill to create THE Prospect Park, whose eventual creation would lead to the genesis of Park Slope, the neighborhood in which we are all fucked in. At this stage of the game, the argument was how far south and east the park would extend. Some wanted it to reach Franklin Avenue, but that would mean that the park would be encroaching on the Town of Flatbush (yes it was it's own town in 1866). Under this proposal, some people felt it should be called Flatbush Park (OK, I've got to sidetrack with a little joke: What do Brooklyn and pantyhose have in common? *Answer below).

In 1861 a civil engineer by the name of Egbert Viele laid out the plan for a park around Prospect Hill near the site of the famed Battle Pass, where one of the bloodiest battles of the Revolution took place. But the Civil War interrupted the bill from passing, until this April of 1866. After the plans were revised and the bill was passed, Calvert Vaux and famed designer of Central Park Frederick Law Olmsted were called in to redesign the park. Olmsted often claimed that Prospect Park was one of his finest creation. 

 *Flatbush. 

Here's the full bill referenced at the end of this article.  

 [FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: Do You Wanna Tell The Propsect Park Bike Lane Haters to Go Fuck Themselves?
• 2010: OPEN THREAD: PERIODIC TABLE OF AWESOME
• 2009: BREEDER vs. BALLER: Who Needs To Borrow $25 For Their Park Slope Parents Membership Fees??