FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Friday, April 6, 2012

Comic by Steven Weinberg

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In the newest round of the Twisterpocalyse, take a look at some crazy Dallas twister porn. In sports news, new Jets quarterback, Tim Tebow is spotting getting a mani-pedi in West Hollywood, nough said. And eventually you can read this blog on your glasses. 

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1902 & 1957):

So we have a clang clang clang goes the trolley theme tonight for BK history. First in 1902 a poor little girl by the name of Rosie Schneider was plowed down by a street car on Van Brunt Street right outside of her father's store. Her body was dragged several feet before the trolley could stop, so she was jammed in between a wheel and the rear motor. Countless attempts to remove her body failed until an unknown man crawled under the trolley car and freed her mangled body. To which the crowd gathered around the gruesome scene started cheering. Um, really? Cleary, people in the early 20th century were fucked up. 

Then, in 1957, Rosie Schneider gets her ghostly revenge on the very same day 55 years later, as the last street car finishes it's final run in NYC. The first trolley service began right here in Brooklyn in 1887. Says the heavy-handed Times "From innovation to termination in less than seventy years--that is the story of the trolley in New York City." Bus lines went on to replace all of NYC's street car lines. 

 

 [READ THE FULL ARTICLE FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

[READ THE FULL ARTICLE FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES ARCHIVES]

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011:  What's *Really* Going Down On Seventh Ave
• 2010:  BROOKLYN AGAINST...EVERYTHING, JUST 'CAUSE
• 2009:  Raccoon To Park Slope: OH Yes, You Will Be Mine

[ed note: if you ppl missed that raccoon story from 2009, you really should click your asses over there. It was, perhaps, the most epic FIPS story of all time].

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Wednesday, April 4, 2012

photo by Flickr User Portlyn Snapshots

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In local who-gives-a-shit-news, the Hawk Cam is back, and in music news, Paul McCartney's son James wants to start The Beatles: The Next Generation (really the name), alongside the sons of John Lennon and Ringo Starr. I hope to God they say no.  

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1893):

So to shake things up a little bit here at the Almanac, I thought I'd feature some old-timey ads to learn a little bit more about the retailers that used to thrive in our fair borough. On April 4, 1893, The Brooklyn Eagle featured an ad for H.V. Monahan furniture. This homewares dynamo was located on 5th Avenue between 12th and 13th Streets (currently Park Slope's very own Mandees). The store's dumbass catch phrase was, "Everybody Trusts a Millionaire, We Trust the People." Trust is in an interesting word here, because as I dug deeper into the history of Monahan furniture, I found that they were previously located in two other spaces, both of which burned to the ground. Some say lightning never strikes twice... But, hey, for the time being, take advantage of Monahan's Piano sale: Pianos from $50-$350!  

 [FROM THE BROOKLYN DIALY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: IS PARK SLOPE ATHLETIC?
• 2009: MISS TRANSIT AUTHORITY: S is for 'Schadenfreude' not 'Shuttle'

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Farewell to the 4th Avenue Station Staircase of Terror as F train service returns to "normal."Photo by Park Slope Lens

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In NYC news, One World Trade Center reaches its 100th floor. In music news, BK's own Sufjan Stevens has traded in the 50 States for the Solar System, and in Political news, Bubba says he's down to the be the First Man if Hillary runs in 2016.

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1923):

Man, we've got some tragic Willy Loman shit going on in this piece, except 40 year-old Charles Tifford Greene from Ocean Avenue was a sad lawyer poet, and not a sad traveling salesman. Poor Charlie, depressed for being a successful lawyer rather than poet, rented a hotel room in the Sagamore Hotel on Surf Avenue in Coney Island and took to the gas pipe. When police busted down the door they found five jets from the room's heater spewing gas. Greene's body was on the bed, a Bible in his right hand. They also found a suitcase overflowing with his poetry. 

Although there is nothing funny about suicide no matter what the time period, there is one slightly humorous aspect to this story. The genius detective who ruled the case a suicide did it not because Greene rented a hotel room, threw open every gas jet, and lay himself down with a Bible in his right hand. This clearly could have been any typical Thursday night for a melancholic poet. What tipped the detective off to suicide was a passage from one of Greene's poems entitled "The Fatigue of Earth."

I try to find the truth in holy places, / And all I see is falsehood everywhere; / I am tired, and I believe that God above / Is tired and weeps over his labor of love.

Honestly that sounds more like lyrics to Jewel song than an indication of suicide. Just sayin'. 

 [READ THE FULL ARTICLE FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2009: Our App For The "No Cussing" Club Was Fucking Rejected

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Monday, April 2, 2012

photo by Flickr User Shawn Hoke

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In social media news, using Facebook may give you an eating disorder, and in boring Morning Show news, Sarah Palin will host the Today Show on Tuesday, while Katie Couric will host Good Morning America. I have no doubt that both women will try and act disgustingly adorable. And lastly, in search engine news, Google posted a hilarious April Fool's Video (except I think it's real). 

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1896):

Sometimes I marvel at what made headline news back in the day. Take this headline from the Brooklyn Daily Eagle on April 2, 1896 for example.  This fine mustached fellow...

...turned 69, and it was headline news. The man shown above is Hugh McLaughlin. Yeah, I didn't know who he was either, but apparently he was a pretty big deal in the King's County Democratic Party. I guess you could say he was of rock star status, since his birthday was the talk of the borough. The highlight of Mr. McLaughlin's birthday? Trout fishing with friends. He was also endowed with many floral arrangements at his Remsen Street home as tokens of well-wishes for the milestone age. I can't imagine what they did for him when he turned 70...

 [READ THE FULL ARTICLE FROM THE BROOKLYN DAILY EAGLE ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: Here's Park Slope: PSBklyn Fishiness & Morgan Spurlock
• 2010: Brooklyn, according to Mary-Kate Olsen: Do you have to swim to get to work?
• 2009: Victoria Floethe Thinks Everyone In Park Slope is All Judgey-n-Shit

FIPS DAILY ALMANAC: Friday, March 30, 2012

comic by Steven Weinberg

Rise and shine FIPSters, and welcome to your day! In getting rich news:we're in the midst of Mega Millions Mania, so get your tickets, bitche! Also in rich people news, watch this Donald Trump puppet sing Bohemian Rhapsody and laugh your ass off. In national news, tomorrow's the Supreme Court Vote on ObamaCare. Is anyone betting on this?

ON THIS DAY IN BK HISTORY (1955):

It's puritanical Brooklyn History week here at FIPS! Just yesterday, a mid-19th century Paddy warned us that Brooklyn was straying from God by using machines of progress. Today we learn that 1950's Brooklynites didn't want a burlesque show in their borough. And so it goes: Thomas J Phillips was applying for a license to have a burlesque show at the Orpheum Theatre on Fulton Street. He swore it was going to be clean. According to his lawyer: "The show will be presented with no strip acts, no runway -- none of that type of performance." Well the public wasn't buying it. Lawyers from the Broadway Association, who were fighting the license, said, "As far as the public is concerned, there can be no such thing as a clean burlesque." This may be true. But there is such a thing as sucky Burlesque.

 

  [READ THE FULL ARTICLE FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES ARCHIVES] 

ON THIS DAY IN FIPS'TORY: 

• 2011: PROOF THAT TOO MUCH DEEPAK MAKES YOU GO BAT SHIT CRAZY
• 2010: WHO GIVES A SHIT: WHAT'S YOUR LIVING SITCH?
• 2009: Hell is Other People in the Park Slope Post Office