South Slope Sidewalk Snake

A reader and local resident submitted these pictures and I couldn’t resist giving my interpretation.  The headline conjures a number of images -- all equally disturbing. Are you picturing a middle age man running around in a trench coat, fedora and sock garters?  Something out of “Leisure Suit Larry?" 

The reality is far more literal and my personal worst nightmare. You’ve heard of ‘Snakes on a Plane’…I give you ‘Snake Near the Drain:'

All hideous puns aside, if I was strolling down 3^rd Ave., and ran into this fucking fire hose of an anaconda, I would literally throw up on myself and then run away crying. That’s not the “tough” Brooklyn dude I claim to be, but it’s the truth.

With reference to outdated reference, it seems that Lord Voldemort (post-defeat) has taken up residence, fittingly in the vicinity of Greenwood Cemetery, and was whisper-commanding his faithful serpent to run errands around town. OR, some fucking nut bar collects exotic pets like ten-foot snakes and isn’t all that attentive. In either scenario, I think the greatest concern is that a monster that could have eaten a puppy or a baby made it as far as the street before becoming road kill. 

Perhaps the most pressing question is who cleans this shit up?  I, for one, will not be ordering take-out for at least a week.