SMACKDOWN: BREEDER v. BALLER [Give Peace A Chance?]

I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself last week to blog, but I guess I'm going to have to wade into the fray on this "we love to hate BREEDERS" fest goin on (thanks, Erica, for that home delivery potline number. It took the edge off.)

To my point... Why can't we all just get along?

I love you single, kid-free and loving it folks. I love you Erica and @KarynMurph, wherever you are (ed. note: she's in THAILAND! Being a BALLER!). I love you, sleep-deprived beset-upon BREEDERS of Park Slope. Yes you, helicopterbreeder and brklynmind. Maybe even Nunzio (ok, not really Nunzio. Though I really want to because I like his name so much). I love robnyc and gogogowanus for their always pitch perfect comments and genuine BALLER dispositions.

Assuming you (in the macro, not micro) are, in fact, lovable, this whole specious argument about your level of annoyingness and its relation to whether you have kids or not is sort of irrelevant. In fact, we all need to be thinking big picture here. I say, let's reserve our real ire for self-entitled, selfish assholes, whatever
their procreative status!

I've got so much to go around, I decided to make a list. In no particular order:

1. I don't love the mothers of Park Slope who sport that vibe of suburban self-satisfaction and Bugaboo entitlement any more than you BALLERS do (but love most of you who can laugh at yourselves and enjoy accidental friendships or comradeship along the way).
2. I'm not wild about Denise Albert,  the author of that Mommy Rage Metro rant  that Erica rewrote (though really, that was easy pickings).
3. I have deep, visceral dislike for the incredibly annoying, officious pretentious, know-it-all BALLER who didn't shut up once for my entire benighted Park Slope Food Coop double the other day (but love the squad leaders who let me off early for good behavior).
4. I have no love in my heart for inconsiderate, honky Hasids behind the wheel. Or really anybody else who wants to mow me down (but I love Jason who knows how to park his car, and wants to help me park mine too).
5. I hate all the cheapskate, yupster, home renovators of Park Slope who want the Taj Mahal on a backyard shanty budget, and insist on being mean to my Architect honey (love all you hard-working, shit-eating, service people; also, my husband's former client D for emailing me to come and get her fresh-made batch of homemade duck pate).
6. I've had it up to HERE with my offspring (love the pantyliner kid).
7. And whoever came up with the idea of this school enforced Winter break: YOU SUCK (love you, teachers).
8. Kind of hating anybody at a resort, although that's just spite and small-mindedness. 
9. And finally I'd like to send out some grade A hatred and say a hearty "up yours!" to the douchebag who didn't pick up a massive mushed dog shit smack in the middle of the sidewalk at the corner of 8th and Montgomery (love you, Long Meadow off-leash dog peeps).

Okay, I got distracted in my larger point for a mo'. And my point is: all this BREEDER v. BALLER shit IS kind of boring. Or not...depending on its entertainment value. I'm not one for too much self-justification of my
life decisions (or yours), but I love the humor and verve of the best of Erica and Karyn's blogs. Good writing and original thinking is refreshing.

So, yeah: I'm all for silly debates about babies in bars and laptoppers monopolizing coffee shops. Just don't take it too seriously.

And please take pity on our whiny BREEDER souls.  We're worn out...especially after that Winter Break b.s. last week.