SHOW US YOUR BAG, PARK SLOPE

As a single lady living alone in New York City, I often think about what detectives would think of my apartment if I got murdered on my commute home. 

I try to keep everything under control, garbage in the garbage can, clothes in the closet, etc., but as someone who views the floor as one giant shelf and uses it as such, it's hard to say what people would judge me for.  I can only hope that if I WERE to be murdered, it would be on a Monday, because the weekend is usually when I have time to straighten up, throw away burned out tea lights, put away piling up Golden Girls DVDs, and file away assorted notes that I've written to myself throughout the week, such as: "Make a dentist appointment" and "GET IT TOGETHER." 

Unfortunately, the strange/frightening idiosyncracies that usually confine themselves to my sad, one-bedroom apartment have manifested themselves into my bag (purses are for pussies).

You see, I don't have a doorman, so everything I buy online is sent to my office.  I slowly bring these items home with me so when I inevitably get fired for my association with this blog, I won't have a lot to carry during my walk of shame. 

So if I were killed on my commute home last night, this is what the police would find.

Yes, that is exactly two bottles of Heineken.  Co-workers like to bribe me with booze to get me to do things for them (non-sexual things).  There is a six-pack of Heineken under my desk that I've slowly begun bringing home.  Just one more trip, and I'll have a six-pack in the fridge.

Also: furry duck slippers.  Because my parents seem to think I am still seven-years-old, they bought me these for Christmas.  When there "wasn't room" in my suitcase, my mom took it upon herself to ship them to me. 

So I think it's pretty obvious what the detectives would conclude about someone who has duckie slippers and two beers in her bag: "She's crazy, maybe involved in a drug ring.  FOUL PLAY."

All in all, this has been pretty embarassing. 

So, spill it: what's in your bag, Park Slope? 

If you were killed tonight (not a threat), what number of crazy would the police assign you (1 is not at all crazy, 10 is probably chops up prostitutes on the weekends crazy).