Screw IKEA. Deck out your Park Slope abode MTA-style

Photo via WookieSlayer (Flickr)

Have you ever sat on one of those wooden benches in the subway and thought, “Damn, this would look sweet in my living room?"

You know you have.  And now, thanks to the MTA, you can adorn you place with all sorts of gently-worn merchandise, such as a genuine 10-ft long bench ($650).  Just imagine the 30-year history of one of those beasts.  How many people have slept on it?  Died on it?  Puked, pissed, fornicated, crapped and dove to their death from it?

Via the MTA's Memorabilia and Collectables page: 

In addition to Transit’s regular monthly sales offerings, we are very pleased to present a sales program designed especially for buyers interested in acquiring a little bit of NYC Transit’s History.

Along with its outgoing fleet of buses and subway cars, Transit has Station Signs and Fixtures, Vintage Tokens, and other “collectibles” such as Handholds, Doors, Seating and Destination Signs from retired subway cars including the Transit’s historic “Redbirds”, “Brightliners” (R32), R38, R40 and R42 for sale when available.

Passenger bus seats for sale

If the thought of sitting on hard, graffiti-adorned wood makes your butt squirm, you can instead order some genuine, cushioned bus seats ($500).  Anyone can buy a boring old love seat, but would it have industrial plastic arm rests and the archived scent of 150,000 N.Y. asses?

Is your place lacking open space, but you want the option of entertaining guests?  Why not install some of those flip-down subway car seats?  Instant alleviation for a mere $500.

And for those looking to shine outside the abode, there are scores of other items.  Are you a hipster with a single-gear retro bicycle, looking to stand out?  Nothing says “clear the PPW bike lane” than the scream of vintage train horns ($75).  

Are you a Park Slope bar owner looking to squeeze one more drink out of patrons?  Then deck your place with grabholds and stanchion poles for a mere $25 a pop.  (The latter doubles as a stripper pole, boosting your joint's entertainment value as well).

And if you’re looking for a good April Fools prank, load up on some green station globes ($150) and place them all over the neighborhood late at night, confusing the fuck out of departing stanchion dancers.