Park Slope Woefully Underrepresented on Stupid Dive Bar List

Mission Dolores / Photo via www.thrillist.com

Complex recently made a list of the fifty best dive bars in New York City. They included O'Connors, which was fairly high on the list at number 16. It was also the only Park Slope bar that made the cut. From where I'm sitting, anyone who tries to make a list of the fifty best dive bars in New York City is begging for an argument. So here are my top choices for Slope bars that shouldn't have been overlooked:

1. MISSION DOLORES

I'll concede that Mission Dolores might be too hep to qualify as a true dive bar. There's a difference between a dive bar and a dive-y bar. Mission Dolores might not be a dive, but it is dive-y, and they have pin-ball machines, which are essential, but remarkably hard to find in Park Slope. So it makes my list, even if it's too new and clean to be a true dive bar.

2. JACKIE'S 5th AMENDMENT

If you need a stiff belt of scotch at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday, it's nice to know that you can go to Jackie's Fifth Amendment and you won't have to drink alone. I know people who've gotten liver disease merely by walking by this joint too slowly. This is the kind of bar that almost certainly cashes Social Security Checks for the regulars.  It's a classic, no-frills dive bar.  And by "frills," I mean "clean glassware."  Read the string of hilarious reviews on Yelp, if you want to know why this place is The Shit.

3. GINGER'S

The best dive bars are full of angry Puerto Rican lesbians playing pool and drinking Miller Lite. 'Nuff said.

4. MELODY LANES

Technically this is in Sunset Park, but any list of dive bars needs to include at least one bar in a bowling alley. The best reason to go is to talk to Peter, the bartender. Any conversation you start with him becomes an instant crash-course in philosophy, and he keeps a collection of clippings and photos that he uses to illustrate or support any point that he's trying to make.

5. O'Connors

Yeah. O'Connors is on my list, too. But not for the same reason. The folks at O'Connors are solid people, because if you're there and you've gotten completely banjoed, they'll call you a car service and put your blindly-drunken ass in the back seat, even if you only live two blocks away.  Don't ask me how I know this. Just trust me.