PARK SLOPE RACCOONS RIDE AGAIN

In all of my years documenting the crazy shit that goes down in Park Slope, the one story that sticks with me like no other is Raccoongate of 2010. To refresh your memories, this was the harrowing tale of a woman who innocently woke up one summer morning, made her way to her kitchen in her 3rd floor apartment, and was greeted with a raccoon that had been self DECAPITATED in her silverware drawer. The story and photos were so crazy, I was convinced they had been photoshopped. Alas, they were not...and yes: it was the stuff that nightmares are made of. Well today we bring you an equally terrifying raccoon video sent in by FIPS reader William Levin and his wife Malya. 

"We've had a recurring problem with raccoons finding their way into our kitchen soffit. Over the last three years they've mated, fought, had babies, died and decomposed in our walls and ceiling, a regular urban nature circle of life in our 4th floor one-bedroom apartment here in Park Slope. Building management had been slow to respond, so we finally took matters into our own hands."

[Might I suggest you do a shot or take a valium before watching this. Hang in there until 1:31 where shit gets really real]. 

I've decided to go ahead and pre-emptively award Mr. Levin with the best "insane Park Slope raccoon story" of the year award for 2014.

Drop the mic. You won, dude.

As a postscript, in case any of you animal lovers were worried about the fate of this little raccoon lady, fear not. William filled us in on her current status:  

"The raccoon was handed off to a Nuisance Wildlife Control Operator the next evening. Since raccoons are a protected species, the operators must be attempt to rehabilitate and eventually return them to the wild. Incidentally, the NWCO fellow came from NJB Pest Control…which stands for “Nice Jewish Boys”. He really was!"

Nice Jewish boy:

I just made this one my new screensaver: 

Images via William Levin

As for how on Earth William and his wife knew how in the bloody hell to care for a baby raccoon, well, the internet is a magical thing, folks: 

"I learned everything I needed to know about caring for the baby raccoon on Google!  I was 99% sure it would be a baby raccoon before I even broke through the wall because I compared its cries to audio samples of raccoon calls on YouTube. After we cleaned her up and checked for injuries, we put the baby raccoon in a box with some towels and a heating blanket. Surprisingly she slept through the night, exhausted from trauma. But the next day she pretty much cried for its mother all day, taking occasional 15-minute naps. We’ve laid traps in the ceiling with the hopes of catching the mother and possibly reuniting them, but she may have abandoned this little one when it slipped out of reach behind the wall, we’re not sure."

You may be left rightfully wondering: do I have raccoons living in my walls?! And our guess is now...probably.