Park Slope Missed Connections

Love floods the want ads and there are probably none so infamous as the Craigslist personals section.  When I received this assignment I set out to malign the Craigslist crazies, expecting to find smut-packed posts with pictures of big ole dongs.  What I found was much different and, as it turns out, a bit trickier to make fun of.  I found hope.  Sure there were a few nasty folks out there looking to get their rocks off in a deserted playground, but the surprising majority were well-written and seemingly well-intended.  Whaaaat!?

As I read deeper to find missed connections in our area, the posts read not like desperate sheep fuckers, but far more like journal entries; scratched out stories of—hope.  Shit!  Now, either I’m getting soft in my age or there’s something going on here.  Does the living, breathing animal that never sleeps and leaves the hesitant in its wake need more?  Are you lonely New York?

Here’s some reviews on examples I found: 

The path to target is not one of romance.  Let me not blur the lines, but this dude is just saying “hey,” not, “next time you borrow my lighter I’ll let you burn my nipples."

Sweet and simple.  An animal is mentioned, but not as an object of bestiality as one roaming Craigslist might expect.  We’ve all enjoyed a knowing glance, the brink of connection.  Shit—gets me all squirrely just thinking about it.     

This shit is a bit long-winded.  Get in, get out.  The mention of E.E. Cummings is masturbatory—pardon the pun.  All-in-all it’s pretty damn heartfelt, albeit sappy. 

Nice and straight forward!  Knowing the exact drink is a tad roofie-licious, but I can overlook that for the sentiment behind it. 

Am I urging you to find love on Craigslist Missed Connections?  No!  I am, however, hoping that you take your balls out of your purse, seize opportunity and make your connection before it’s too late.  After all—what the fuck do you have to lose?

I leave you with this last gem of gems:

…he may have gone a little too far.