Park Slope Craigslist Blotter: New Year's Edition

MISSING:  Wallet

KP lost his wallet. On New Year's Eve. Now he has to face the music at work and tell them he lost his building security ID. I'd guess this is the night of the year where the most things are lost. People get tanked and drop stuff. Or forget them. Two years in a row I lost my scarf. Now I know just to leave them at home. Maybe next year KP will wear a money belt or a fanny pack.

FOUND: Dog

A friendly poodle ran up to these people and they've absconded with it to their brownstone.  They took two adorable pictures of her and posted it to Craigslist. Did you just have to think about when the last time you saw your dog was?  More importantly. Did you actually get up and look around? At least turn your head? Or did you just call her name and wait. If you did that then leave her with these fine dog thieves. They will probably take better care of her.

MISSED CONNECTION: Shower

There are two missed connections. Both men looking for men they met at the gym. That's cool. Good luck guys. Kind of weird that they mention eyeing these guys in the shower and changing in the locker room though. Is nothing sacred? Eyes on your own paper,  fellows.

WANTED: Hickey

This guy needs a hickey. He is only willing to get it from a woman and he'll buy you dinner if you'll give it to him. But he thinks you'll laugh at his story so hard you'll probably give it to him for free. Also he needs it around his area. What does that mean? These are supposed to go on your neck. You're going to show up and he'll say it's on his balls. It's a classic bait and switch. This shouldn't be in the platonic section. It should be in real estate.

FREE: Baby car seat

I don't know much about car seats. I know they are needed though. It's got to be a law. Otherwise there would be way more dudes carrying babies around like footballs as they drive. This seat is free. Hold kids up to 80 pounds. That's almost a small woman.

FREE: Mannequins

I was trying to rent out an extra bedroom in my apartment this fall and one of the people who came to interview for it had two mannequins. He said he brought them everywhere with him. Kind of like Michonne only creepier. He also said he'd need a deadbolt for his bedroom door. So yeah. If you want these mannequins act quickly. Because if he finds out about the post before you he's going to fill this dumpster with jizz.