Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

Friendr - Lesbian couple looking to hang not bang.

There are so many dating/hooking up services now. What about just being friends? You know, without the reason being because one of you doesn't want to get busy with the other one.  Swing by the shower I'm crying in sometime and I'll tell you all about it. Having friends to chill with is pretty neat. If you're in your 30's and in the friendship market hit these ladies up. Bonus points for dogs!

LOST – Green backpack (filled with beer)

One day my grandmother, a monster of a person, called to let me know she had something special for me. Foolishly forgetting all gifts from Satan come with a terrible price, I ran over to Woodside to pick it up. My grandfather, who passed away in the mid 1980's, had left two bottles of booze in the closet. She explained she knew how much I liked drinking and since I never really got to know him she wanted me to have it. Weeks later I tried the first bottle. It was a half finished pint of rum. There was hair on the lip and it reeked of paint thinner but anything good enough for Daddy Jim was good enough for me. So I fired it down the hatch. My world turned black as I burned everything from the back of my throat to the bottom of my stomach. This was the water that flows through the river Styx. It's not for human consumption. It's meant to ferry the dead along to some unimaginable hell. It was a long and painful night for me. I called grandma the next day to ask what the deal was. She confessed it wasn't from Daddy Jim but it was from the mid 80's. She found it on the bus. 30 years ago.

Anyway, this idiot forgot his beer on the bus. Hopefully somebody drank it immediately.

FOR SALE – Animal heads $1000

Are you offended by stuffed animal heads? Don't be such a…boar. Just a little taxidermy humor, y’all. Timon and Pumbaa here are going to cost you 1000…bones. Bang. Still got it. It appears the seller is willing to move them separately so if you only have $500 kind of seems like a…no brainer. They take the brains out of these things right? God, that has to be so messy.

MISSED CONNECTION – Is it steamy in here or are we just fucking?

Apparently the steam room of the NYSC is a hot spot for male gay sex. When did bathhouses become gay? Oh, forever ago. Okay. Cool. I mean I just didn't know. You have to wear flip flops in there right? Do you keep them on? If you know the answer please throw it in the comment section.

MISSED CONNECTION:  The fastest way to a girl's heart is through her seat.

Most of the times a gentleman gives up his seat it's for legitimate good reasons. Pregnant or elderly or disabled people all deserve a seat on the subway. Without exception. Personally, I feel like if you are young and able bodied you shouldn't even take a seat during rush hour. Somebody is going to need that seat and you offer it beaming like some glory slut? Please. No. There is another reason why dudes give up their seats though. To pretty girls. It's like sending them a drink at a bar. Only free. I don't hate this as far as harmless flirting attempts go. It's a little awkward but I don't know. Who doesn't want to sit down right?