Park Slope – Craigslist Blotter

MISSED CONNECTION – Who you calling chicken?

Classic Brooklyn love story. Man, dressed so ridiculously it looks like a costume. Woman, loudly proclaiming she's a nerd! For real guys this is the nerdiest thing she's ever done. Tee hee hee. Me, watching it unfold, feigning indifference. Young love is stupid. Whatever, I don't care. Single by choice. All the good ones are taken. Allergies. What are you looking at?!?! LEAVE ME ALONE!

MISSED CONNECTION – I'm drunk

Fuck it. I'm doing another missed connection. As an experienced creep I can tell you that "haha" is a conscious effort to look casual. However, this missed connection was from 6 weeks ago. He's been putting it up ever since. You aren't a wartime soldier writing letters back home that might never make it. You're just a weirdo looking to Snap Chat a girl you've jerked off to from seeing on the subway. Once. Ever. 

MISSED CONNECTION – Imma let you finish

Whoppers might be my favorite Halloween candy but the fun size ones only have three Whoppers in them. That's kind of bullshit. I'm doing another missed connection. Because I have a microphone….so you will listen to every damn word I have to say.  This has to be the toy shop on 7^th avenue between 14^th and 15^th right? I've never been there. It is always closed. Apparently the manager is open for business though. I mean sexually. Because she wants to have sex with this guy. From the sounds of it he could sneak her into "Father-Daughter Day" at work and bang in the copy room.

HELP – MISSING RING

Oh no. There is no chance of this being found. All these people in The Slope falling in love. Chances are this ring was picked up and used in an engagement IMMEDIATELY. However, if you found an old ring by the park it might be a family heirloom. So please. Pretty please. Contact this poster and give them their precious back.

HELP – MISSING SUNGLASSES

If this seems much less important after the last one, it's because it is. I love sunglasses but I only buy super cheap ones because this is my nightmare. Who has the same pair of sunglasses forever? Probably the same person who oils their leather wallet. 

LESSONS AVAILABLE – KUNG FU

I like that these lessons are for adults only. I always felt that lessons for kids are kind of molest-y. However, if I ever have kids I plan on sending them. Lambs to the slaughter I guess.  That's so Abraham. Anyway, sign up with this person. Learn some self-defense.

RENTAL

Every week we’ll cover the most expensive 1 BR apartment for rent in Park Slope.

We’re going to start only doing “by owner” for this section. The rest of them feel like scams. So for this week our winner is a $3100 apartment right by Grand Army Plaza. It’s a prewar building with all the usual amenities. The ad has a typo so hopefully they take better care of the property than they do their writing. For some reason the lobby made me laugh. Maybe it’s the couches. And their placement. It looks ridiculous.

CHILD’S PLAY – DIAPER FETISH

I guess the theme this week is love. He posted three times this week so I can’t ignore him. This dude is 26, drug free and totally sane. He just wants a girl to dress like a baby and fill her diapers for him. That’s not weird right? Everybody does this at home. Nobody disputes it. Don’t worry he’s not into physical abuse. He’s not some crazed sicko. Of course some light spanking is to be expected though. He’s not going to go through all the trouble of dressing you like an infant and NOT spank your messy bottom. What is this amateur hour?