Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

COMMUNITY – Stray cat strut!

Meowwwwww. I don't bother chasing mice around. I slink down the alley looking for a fight. Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night. I don’t know how relevant that is. Feels right though. There is a new monthly swing night starting in Park Slope. It starts with a half hour class and the first guest is Cynthia Hopkins. She’s the cat’s pajamas. Really whizz bang terrific, daddio!

GIG – Sexual Harassee

I’m not sure harassee is a real world. In fact it sounds like something Pootie Tang would say. Sa Da Tay. Yeah. This dude is looking to hire a flirty secretary. For clerical errands and fun. Maybe you’re into that. We don’t judge here.

RANTS - HYGIENE

The first person suggests doing all sorts of hygiene things with baking soda. Like a WD40 for the human body. Could definitely get into that. I’m cheap as hell. Then somebody responds! He or she got burns on their skin from using baking soda in place of soap. Oh no! Also, he/she felt like their teeth were going to fall out of their head when they used it as toothpaste. We’re going to need our teeth. It’s almost corn season for god’s sakes. Stay away from baking soda. Be safe out there.

PLANTONIC – Drone spotter

These have to be illegal soon right? It’s so weird you can just fly these things around and see people barbecuing or smoking weed or whatever it is interesting people do. If you flew it over my backyard you might see me pulling weeds alone. My basketball shorts falling down exposing my sun dappled buttocks under the lush summer tree canopy.

MISSED CONNECTION – 5th Avenue Key Food

You’re just too good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. Even though it’s kind of rude to stare. And you are probably just picking up some hummus on your way home from the gym. And if I want to look at something like a piece of meat they have actual meat here. It’s a grocery store. You can even pick them up and squeeze them.

MISSED CONNECTION – 7th Avenue F train

We see these kinds of missed connections pretty often. Eye contact on the subway and then one person gets bold and asks the other out. It’s kind of startling though so they say no. Even though they really wanted to say yes. I guess the lesson to be learned is to live in the moment. Be present. That way you won’t be a deer in the headlights if somebody so much as asks you for the time on the subway. It’s a difficult task while commuting, I know.