Park Slope – Craigslist Blotter

RENTAL – 10/16

Every week we’ll cover the most expensive 1 BR apartment for rent in Park Slope.

Oh. My. God. $4,422 per month is this week’s winner. And I know you are all probably sick of hearing about the Gowanus Canal (not as sick as you’d be if you swam in it) but this apartment is spitting distance to the infamous waterway. Don’t actually spit in it though. Any splash back would boil your skin off. So why would you pay $53,000 a year to live here? It’s a new building and the perks are insane. Private outdoor patio. Doorman. Gym. Storage for tenants. A bike room. They have a cold storage “for Fresh Direct” orders. I hope there isn’t any vegetarians living in the building because if I move in I’m making that shit a meat locker. Imagine coming home from a tough day of work and going into your meat locker to punch the hell out of a side of beef like you’re Rocky. Yo Adrienne!!!! I did it! I paid $4400 a month to live on the Gowanus Canal! What’s that you say? Superfund? Yeah, I’m having a good time too.

SEX – 50 Shades of HEY!  - 10/16

Older man would like to have sex with younger female. (Shoulder shrug)  Older man wants to talk fuck you with his words. (Ears perk up, eyes widen) Older man wants to sexually dominate you in the manner of a wildly popular Twilight slash fiction book. (Head drops down to folded arms on desk. Back to sleep before sentence finishes.)

CAB SEX – t4m – 10/17

I was a cab driver. (Link) It was always a small fantasy of mine to have some hot, sexy woman get in my car and…what’s that now? Oh. Ohhhhh. This isn’t really my thing but if you’re a cabbie in the area and want to help this nice person out drop them a line. You look great in your pic by the way.

FREE - Human Hamster Wheel – 10/16

I’ve heard of gerbil fetishes but hamster fetishes is new to me. I think the 50 pounds of newspaper is a nice touch. It’s that kind of attention to detail that’ll really help you to get lost in your psychosis. You did say you were going to get in 30 minutes of cardio a day NO MATTER WHAT. Also, that is Skinner from X-files in the wheel. Never been so sure of anything in my life.

FREE – Rats – 10/15

Rats here! Come get your rats! Cold, dead rats! Rats here! The sad part about this post is if somebody is giving away their rats it means somewhere a giant snake has died. Or escaped into the neighborhood. A week before all the kids go trick or treating. Anaconda group costumes? Shotty Eric Stoltz.

EVENT – Stoop sale -  10/20

If your problem with stoop sales is that there is never enough shit to look at this is for you. Block long stoop sale. 6^th street between 5^th and 6^th Avenues. There will be no less than 200 VHS tapes there but it seems pretty cool. Like a big yard sale in Brooklyn. If you’re in the area Sunday come check it out.

FOR SALE - $250 Slot Machine – 10/17

In a casino if you go to the Pai Gow tables you’ll see Asians. Probably smoking. And my friends. If you go to Roulette you’ll see a bunch of people who don’t know how to play anything else. Poker room will be a lot of guys wearing baseball hats. Then there are the slots. Old people are drawn to them like cats to catnip. Thanksgiving is soon and your grandmother is probably coming by. Instead of letting her ruin everybody’s good time with her insane racist rambling park her in front of this bad boy. “Yes, grandma. That David Wright sure does seem like a nice boy. Hey, check out this slot machine I got. No, we don’t call them that. They’re Japanese. Totally different country.”

FOR SALE $375 1920’s Dentist Chair – 10/17

There is a great show called Oddities about an East Village antique shop called Obscura. They specialize in the strange. From that I’ve learned there is a strong market for old medical equipment. People collect this stuff. It’s like Coco Cola paraphernalia for weirdos. If this chair had stirrups it’d be worth at least double. Or if like 100 people died in it by the hands of some insane turn of the century dentist.