Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FOR SALE: $400 Pit Bull

Whoop, whoop. Emergency Edition ya'll. There is a bug going around the FIPS offices. So we've been pressed into duty a day early. Our first post is an expensive pit bull. They're supposed to be good family pets. I don't know why you'd spend $400 on one though. If you've ever looked to rescue a dog in NYC you know there are hundreds of them waiting in shelters. Also the ad says "she is able to breed" and I hope that refers to the poster herself and not the dog in the pic. Over 6000 animals were put down last year. That's a huge improvement from the 31,000 in 2003 but still a lot of bad endings. Please, spay and neuter your pets. 

FREE: G'out of here! Free??

A Park Slope medical facility is running a clinical trial on a new gout medication. If free experimental medicine sound funs then you should drop them a line. Also, they're paying for travel expenses. So if you are broke but want to take cab to 9^th street and 6^th avenue and are willing to ingest potentially dangerous untested pharmaceuticals this is the perfect opportunity for you.

NEEDED:  Signatures

Interesting post. A  24 year old fashion  designer, whose clothes are available for purchase right here in Park Slope, was convicted of assault and sentenced to a minimum of 19 years in prison. Are there any lawyers reading this that can confirm that's possible? Please leave a comment.  It seems insane to me that you can get 19 years for anything short of rape or murder. His sister and a friend started an online petition to get him an appeal. Unfortunately, they admit he was involved in the fight and there are so many spelling errors that I'm concerned this is a parody. I don't care if it's to legalize hugging, I'm not signing a petition chock full of spelling errors.

FREE: Rack

I'm a rack man from way back. The bigger, the better, if you ask me, but I think they're all marvelous. This is a baker's rack. You can put stuff on it and uh, get up between it. God, I'm so lonely.

MISSED CONNECTION: Love in the park

Let's give the people what they came for. It's Missed Connection time. Our first post is a dude who keeps running into another dude in the park but forgot his name! Ugh. I hate when that happens. Then you keep seeing him/her and you learn more about each other so now it's too late to ask. Like the poster found out the mystery guy is a fucking acrobat. No way you can go back to the name thing after learning something like that. So he's trying Craigslist. He should have stolen his wallet. Although if you get 19 years for assault what's pick pocketing in this city? 15 years? Christ.

MISSED CONNECTION: Poetry Slam

Somebody posted a poem. One of those sad stupid Missed Connection poems that we've featured a few times. He got a poem response back! Maybe from the person who he was aiming it at? Message in bottle received, bro. Then somebody else responded to both of them and this is it. C*nt is a hard word to throw at a lady. I don't even want to type it out of fear a lady is going to pop out of nowhere like an Old Spice commercial. Love when strangers take the time out of their day though to let somebody know how bad they suck. This is what the internet is built on.

MISSED CONNECTION: No sleep til butt sex.

A tale as hold as time. Drunk girl runs into drunk boy. They wordlessly start making out. Girl suggests going back to her Queens apartment, even though they are in Brooklyn. Boy pauses to think about that morning ride home and then says fuck it while waving down a taxi. After a full night of lovemaking, they lay there in a warm embrace. Whispering secrets to each other. Then just as she's falling asleep he bangs that butt. We don't want to do any slut shaming around here. We read Jezebel okay? And we can appreciate trying things out. GGG, this is the 21^st century after all. Something about fucking a stranger in the ass makes me nervous though. Oh that's right, I remember now.