OH TO LIVE ON CARROLL STREET!

I assumed that block parties had gone the way of Jello Salad and martini lunches.  Then I moved to Park Slope, where the quaint pleasures of an earlier time still seem to be intact.  A few weeks ago, my PS block celebrated summer, life, childhood, and first world dumb luck with a bouncy castle and some communal mac and cheese.  Needless to say, I was impressed.  That is, until I saw this flyer for an upcoming block party on Carroll Street.

?!?!????!!!!  It’s as if the townspeople from The Music Man recruited Leslie Knope to plan the super-duperist day of folksy fun in the HISTORY OF THE WOLRD! Let’s review in a more detail:

You’ll start off with some coffee and homemade baked goods at #643.  Now, don’t forget to BYO Mug.  This cuts down on paper waste and creates a homey feeling right off the bat.  On this day, not only is the world your oyster, but the street your breakfast nook!  Of course, you’ll all pitch in with the cleaning (BYO Broom!), during the synchronized street sweep.  And for those of you who finish your chores early, there’s yoga at 10 (BYO Mat and Inner Calm!). 

At 11, things really heat up. Activities include bobbing for apples, a water balloon fight, relay races (potato sack, three legged), egg toss, Chinese checkers, Blind Man’s Bluff, pin the tail on the naughty corporate coffee shop CEO, and the ever-elusive “Art Project!” After lunch (real burgers for those who’ve finally realized that their vegetarianism was limiting their global perspective; veggie burgers for those who aren’t quite there yet), they’ll be an ice cream eating contest. (I’m stumped about where they’re going to store all the ice cream…Are there really folks on Carroll Street with those big freezers you see in suburban garages?  Or are they going to send a team to clean out the Associated right before go-time?)

It’s about this time that you’ll want to start winding down.  Your kids will be hyper and exhausted, filthy and wet.  They will have upchucked a little from the ice cream/bouncy castle combo, and you will have upchucked a little from the excessive charm. You’ll probably just want to go inside and watch a marathaon of The Real Housewives of New Jersey while your kids play violent video games. WELL TOO BAD my friend! You’ve got another six hours of quaint activities first, including a Sing-a-long, Bake-Off Contest (CHOCOLATE treats!), and Outdoor Movie.  And don’t even think about seeking solace with a whisky on the rocks. Even your alcohol will be hijacked thanks to the Mix Masters Dessert Cocktail Contest judged by none other than dessert cocktail queen and first girlfriend of the State, Miss Sandra Lee!  I feel sticky just thinking about it!

Oh, don’t let my sarcasm get you down, Carroll Street.  I only jest out of jealousy…