New DNA Tracking System Puts 43 Park Slope Dogs to Death

Just kidding alright, I don't wanna kill your fucking dogs. BUT, that being said, I did just step in a gigantic yellowish brown turd of dogshit which means I now have to sit in the freezing cold with toothpicks cleaning the ridges of my fucking shoe.

So while I was doing this, I came up with a brilliant technological invention I want your opinion of. Call me Ray Fucking Kurzweil.

Here's the idea - consider yourself NDA'ed - don't fucking tell ANYONE about it, and I'm only telling you, so if I randomly hear that someone else is talking about it I'll know it was YOU that leaked it, no offense.

Under my plan for a new America / Park Slope, All Dogs would have to register their DNA with a local bureau - I know you people already have to get dog licenses and shit, so it's probably not that much more work - they can do it with a q-tip swab of the bastard's inner cheek.

Then, I'm not saying that nazis should roam the streets looking for dogshit or anything, but say that someone like me steps in a big hunk of yellow goosh - I can photograph it, place it into a small baggie, and bring it into a conveniently located facility where they will run tests on it and track down the responsible canine.

I understand it's not the dog's fault - he just shits all over the place like a filthy animal. Alright, don't kill the poor thing. I'm already starting to feel bad. Just give the owner a ticket or something.