McDonald's is using us to sell their shitty burgers...again

Image via burgerbusiness.comLet’s talk burgers. McDonald’s burgers. In the past, one of McDonalds’ usual appeals in keeping their customers addicted to eating garbage was consistency. No matter where you went, it was the same. This was important because people don’t like change. That’s why, when visiting a very foodcentric city such as New York, tourists be flockin’ to Times Square to get their Mickey D’s comfort food. Apparently, this comforting consistency is no longer the case. According to a recent article in Gothamist, McDonald’s is/has been “testing new foods” in different parts of the nation:

VIA Gothamist:

McDonald's also has some built-in things it just does differently across the nation. For example? If you order a plain burger at McDonald's in Chicago you'll get a "beef" patty with ketchup, pickle, onions and mustard. But if you order one here in New York City you'll just get ketchup, pickle and onion on your meat product.

Now, if you ask me, I would lean more towards this being a case of McDonald’s employees not giving a shit and messing up your order, rather than an intentional, demographically targeted strategy. But hey, what the hell do I know? I only eat McDonald’s when I’m drunk at 4 a.m. so it all just tastes like a mistake that I’m going to regret the next morning. I digress.

Internationally, it’s no secret that McDonald’s has used NY’s name to promote tons of different kinds of burgers. People love the novelty of NY, and McDonald's knows it; their marketing team is probably laughing their asses off at how little effort they have to put into selling these flaps of crap in other countries. They can shove whatever type of burger they want into whatever country their corporate roundtable pins the donkey tail on, slap a phrase that includes “New York” on it, and that shit will sell. Aaand, they are about to do it again in Australia, but this time they’re topping it with mayo and mustard as their special nod to our city. Clearly they’re not even trying, as that doesn’t even make sense in life. Burgers come with ketchup, and possibly ketchup and mustard, but what kind of asshole mixes mustard and mayo on a burger? Nobody. That’s deli behavior, not McDonald’s behavior. Fools.

Next time they use New York to sell a burger, I hope they actually try and make it legit. You know, maybe make each one actually be a slice of pizza that is molded into the shape of a cheeseburger, and have it come with its very own hobo that will stand next to you, taking a piss, and screaming obscenities into thin air while you eat it.