Jackie's 5th Amendment Wants to secede from park slope

Local watering hole Jackie's 5th Amendment, which has been referred to by its Yelp reviewers as "Hell's waiting room," "the morgue," and "the perfect place to hit rock bottom," has started a petition to secede itself from Park Slope. Yep. You heard that right.

A Jackie's bartender recently wrote in and explained that after she learned that East Williamsburg was attempting to secede from Williamsburg, she decided that her bar had a far better case for removing oneself from its neighborhood.

Here's the dive bar's reasoning behind the petition:

Due to the changing nature of the neighborhood and the fact that we are beginning to take offense when potential customers come into the bar, look around them with disdain, and leave, immediately, we the people of Jackie's 5th Amendment at 404 5th Avenue request the permission of the United States Government to peacefully secede from Park Slope and become our own neighborhood, to be tentatively known as "Brooklyn".

In short: Fuck the haters.

As of this posting, the Jackie's petition has 17 signatures, with a goal to reach 25,000 by December 16, at which time... who knows what the hell will actually happen. But if you hate that Jackie's calls itself a Park Slope establishment, or if you love Jackie's and just want to support their wishes, hop on over and sign that shit!  

Comments

[Jimmy the Greek]

They don't need to secede from Park Slope, they need to secede from civilization. That place is a dump, always has been and always will be. My only concern is if they close that the losers that hang out there will be released to spread their diseases around the rest of Brooklyn.