I'd Kinda Like to Punch This Week's Daily Intel Sex Diarist

True confessions: I usually read those Daily Intel weekly sex diaries written by anonymous New Yorkers, and tend to vascillate between thinking they are totally fucking boring or totally fucking fabricated.

I try to include links to the Park Slope ones cause, in case you haven't noticed, I don't get to use our "sex in the slope" tag here all that often.

Anyway.

I read this week's column about The Divorced Park Slope Trader Living Out His Fantasies, and I would like to share the following observations:

• This guy is a total fucking douche. Case in point: "Girlfriend comes over, and we transition into full-blown sex on the couch in a variety of positions, complete with hair-pulling. Despite this I am still able to level-up my soldier in MW2 several times. Sweet"
  • A. WTF does 'MW2' even mean?
  • B. He calls his dick a "soldier." 
  • C. The inclusion of "sweet," after his my dick is soldier reference, makes me want to set a kitten on fire.
• This guy is a total fucking douche...ah-gain: "While shopping for groceries, we discuss the fantastic dichotomy that is our life. We shop, we work, and we have a ridiculous amount of unconventional sex. Sit down to play Modern Warfare 2. What a great game — could this be any better?[A: Uhm, it could maybe be better if you were dead? Also, you are sooo edgy with all your "unconvential sex"-n-shit! And you talk about it at the supermarket! AYFKMWTS].
• This guy is a total fucking liar: Drag each other into the bedroom and she attacks me. We 69 and then finish with reverse cowgirl. Hot, however, in the mounted combat I seem to have had clumps of leg hair removed from my body leading to a painful weird, red rash.

CLUMPS of leg hair "removed!?" You wanna know how you remove clumps of leg hair? You make an appt at Haven in Soho and you get your fucking legs waxed, that's how. Sorry, but this is where I draw the line and call bullshit: try pulling A single hair out of your leg people...just one.

[I'll wait].

[..........].

[..........].

See what I mean??? How the fuck do you (oopsie!) pull out clumps of hair off of someone's leg while you're fucking them??

Sorry, divorced Park Slope trader, I just watched 48 hours of Dexter in less than a week and this shit just doesn't add up.

Oh, and p.s. both this dude and his horny girlfriend have "young kids"--where the fuck are they? I mean, I get that this is a sex diary-n-all, but are you seriously telling me neither one of them hit up: Two Boots, Dizzy's OR Pizza Plus all week long!? Again, not buying it.