Holiday Party In The Park For Your Four-Legged Bitch This Saturday

Image via atlantic.com/kevindooley/flickrIf you have a mutt, you are always up early, dragging her along Prospect Park West in her booties and couture sweater to take her first dump of the day. In a comatose pre-coffee haze you gently scoop her hot mess up in a flimsy bag and head back home carrying it like a turd cocktail on a tray praying that you’ll soon come upon a neighbor’s trash to fling it into.

Why not make this Saturday AM a little more festive? From 8-10 AM bring your four-legged friend to Prospect Park’s Long Meadow beside the Picnic House for the annual Howl-a-Day Gathering sponsored by FIDO and prepare to paaaarty with your pup.

Dogs are encouraged to dress in festive attire. They’ll be gathering around for a holiday sing-a-long of holiday favorites w/ dog-centric lyrics. I can only assume that will include Ruff Ryders, “Holiday” with lyrics like “Sleep on the floor, catch me right next to the dog. I'm Holiday Styles, and that's what the weaponry for”. That kind of thing. Ya know, Brooklyn Style.

Dogs can bark out their holiday wish list while sitting on Santa’s lap getting their crotches grabbed (oh, sorry that was me and the mall Santa of my youth). There will be chew bones and treats for all the good little doggies that didn’t chew up their owners quarterly earnings reports this year or die eating chocolate. There will be coffee, hot chocolate and hot mulled cider for you shit-carrying owners.

Your dog would be just as happy to shit in a flowerbed on a side street but hey, it’s the holidays, we all go to parties we dread. Come parade little Santa Paws around in that elf outfit or Cliff Huxtable Christmas sweater. Heck, let her hump a leg. Let her live a little this holiday!