Here are 8 reasons why Patrick Stewart will love living in Park Slope

FIPS'ters, I don't know if you've heard, but we may have a bona fide knight living in the hood! Brownstoner recently made my morning when it reported that Patrick Stewart, AKA THEEEE Captain Jean-Luc Picard, has moved to Park Slope. I literally spit coffee on the computer screen when I read this. The real estate blog wouldn't blow his spot by listing an address, but apparently the place is huge and came with a $2M price tag.

It's no secret that Patrick Stewart is an accomplished actor of stage and screen. He deserves major props for those amazing chops he forged as a great Shakespearean stage actor. But let's be real here, FIPS'ters... the man is REALLY known for being the mother-humping captain of the Starship Enterprise for seven seasons. Patrick Stewart is a class act and he's going to be our neighbor. 

This may be the shocker of shocks but I am was a giant Star Trek nerd, so I thought I would make Sir Patrick feel at home in his new neighborhood with this little welcoming brochure titled:

8 Reasons Why Park Slope is a lot like the Enterprise-D (and maybe even a little better.)

1. When Star Trek Next Gen hit the airwaves in 1987, the new Enterprise-D was touted as being more of a multi-cultural micro neighborhood where officers were welcomed to procreate and raise families...

... the same can be said for Park Slope.

2. The Enterprise D was chock-full of kids running around...

... and Park Slope is the absolute epicenter of rugrats in NYC.

pic via brooklyn.mamasnetwork.com

3. The Enterprise-D was inhabited by Will Riker, a bearded, gregarious man who thinks he knows what's best for other people (and also kind of a dick when it comes to away missions)...

 

...Park Slope is inhabited with those guys too (that's me).

4. The Enterprise-D was a great place to hook up with MILFS. It's no secret that Captain Picard was getting some sugar from Dr. Beverly Crusher, a career mom who had some, ahem, needs to be fulfilled...

... Park Slope's own author Amy Sohn has told us all about all about the "fictional" MILF and DILF action going on around in our neighborhood. 

5. The Enterprise-D was fly because it came equipped with Ten-Forward, a bar/restaurant that was tended by Whoopi Goldberg's weird-ass character named "Guinan..."

...we have TONS of places like that. Some of them even have amazing Korean fried chicken.

Talde 5. Holo decks are nice and all (even if they malfunction and trap you inside a psycho program)... 

... but you can't really beat the beauty of Prospect Park.

6. Remember your old Tricorders?...

... we have iPhones. They're WAY better.

7. Captain Picard liked his Coops...

... we've got those too! Resistance is futile!  

photo by Park Slope Lens

In closing, welcome aboard, Sir Patrick!