Get To Know Your FiPS Writers: Kerri & Shawn

Ever read a great FiPS post and think to yourself, Hot damn. I'm in lurrrve with this writer (see also: I fucking haaaate this writer). Well for the next few months we're going to give you an insight into the writing staff here at FiPS. Contributors were paired together and asked to come up with some burning questions for each other so that you guys can learn a little more about the minds behind this FiPS-tastic blog. Because when it comes down to it, we're fucked in Park Slope JUST LIKE THE REST OF YOU SUCKERS. 

So far we've given you ERICA & URSULA, BEN & JESS, JUSTIN & MIKE and Roshow & Meredith. Next up: Kerri & Shawn! 

Of the 44 U.S. presidents, which one would you prefer to make whoopie with?

Kerri: I dated a guy for a few years who looked like a young Abe Lincoln. JFK is hot, but he talked like everyone in Massachusetts that I went to high school with, wicked pissa. Also, predictable. I’m going to go with Teddy Roosevelt, partially because he was bespectacled like me, but mostly because he’s a rough rider.

Shawn: Franklin Pierce. As a fellow New Hampshirite, I feel like the our nation's lamest president needs a little loving. 

What's the worst bodily injury you've ever sustained?

Kerri: Strangely, my skin heals super fast, like Wolverine. At the age of 7 I got my ears pierced. Over the course of a weekend the skin on the underside of my ear grew over the back of the earring and I had to get it surgically removed. It was pretty gross.

Shawn: When I was eight or nine and then again my freshman year of college, I broke my wrist. Yep. That's as bad as I've experienced. The first time was because I slipped on ice and fell five or six feet. The second was because I was the victim of a Karate Kid-esque leg sweep during good ol' fashioned collegiate horseplay.

Who/What is your worst enemy in Park Slope?

Kerri: It’s a tie between the uneven sidewalks (I'm a window peeper and therefore always tripping over them), and my former downstairs neighbor.  

Shawn: The B63 bus. That shit's never there when I need it & always there when I don't. I should not be able to outpace a bus in a race down 5th Ave.

Use 3 words to describe the moment you lost your virginity.

Kerri: Basement. Ginger. Pearl Jam.

Shawn: Big Hair Debacle.

You and your crazy fundamentalist cult is holed up in your compound. Which song can the FBI use to drive you out?

Kerri: "The Chicken Dance." But if the FBI wanted to use a peaceful tactic to get me out, they could blast Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” It puts an electric charge in my body and I dance involuntarily, like in Weekend At Bernie’s 2. I'd probably just dance my way right outta' there...

Shawn: "Yellow" or "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. I can't take more than 45 seconds of either song without wanting to cauterize my ears.

If you could swing a giant wrecking ball through any building in Park Slope, which one would it be?

Kerri: Man, this one's hard. I like most of our buildings. I guess if I have to choose, I'd say 287 Sterling Place, but only because my former landlord owns it and lives there, and she stole money from me. Also, the fuse box in the basement has old, exposed wires -- it looks like the innards of a Tim Burton character, and will surely catch on fire one of these days.

Shawn: That wack-ass apartment building with the slanty windows next to Sidecar...shitty, show-off architecture at its best.