[FIPS Was There...] The Gowanus Canal Regatta

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." They had a choice, all of them. - Rorschach 

Clearly, Rorschach was talking about the Gowanus Canal Regatta. It was filthy. And it did foam. And people did shout save it. And I did whisper "No." The Battle of the Blackwater. It was a strange day.  I had never seen the Gowanus up close before. It was mostly green with dark oil bubbling to the surface. Fortunately I was born with no sense of smell. I was told it was unpleasant and got worse as the day heated up. Maybe it was all the garbage that floats to the surface cooking in the sun. Sure, it was a regatta but we were as far from an Ivy League campus on a crisp autumn day as possible.

Everybody had a great sense of humor about it. The rowers dressed up in hazmat suits and pink spandex. The carnival barker like host joked about not drinking the water. Even the band had a few cracks working Superfund into their lyrics. It was a funny freak show that had a Coney Island aesthetic to it. Somebody fell in right before I got there. I spent the rest of the day at the launch site giddily waiting for it to happen again. 

I can't stress enough how dirty this water is. Here is an example that doesn't even include all the industrial waste. When storm water floods the sewage system it needs to go somewhere. So there are Combined Sewage Overflow (CSO) pipes that dump that excess out. There are 12 of these CSO pipes that feed into the canal. It poured Wednesday and Thursday. Or Turdsday. 

So it's a funny day. But it's also a "Huh. This is kind of fucking insane" day. Now the story, like the water, gets a little murkier. Ready for a gross oversimplification of it? There is a big real estate deal going down on the canal. Huge complexes are planned. 700 apartments. And they sponsored the race. Local groups are saying that's bad. So the race is bad now too. They handed out some pretty wack flyers. I ate the Grimaldi's pizza though and laughed my ass off. So maybe I was swayed by the fun stuff. Some final words for the major players of the day.

The Lightstone Group - Slick move sponsoring the race. One problem. The people who you trusted to vouch for its safety went all Nathan's 4th of July coo coo and laughed about how dangerous the Gowanus is. Also anybody with eyes or a nose can tell. You guys are assholes thanks for all the money. 

Gowanus Dredgers Canoe Club – I'm coming again next year. You people are a good time. I love you. You might be insane though. That water is going to get you sick. It's not your friend. You are Grizzly Man ok? Saving the canal seems impossible. And if it's just research you're raising money for we don't need to spin water samples in the centrifuge. Open your eyes. It's fucking horrible.  I hope most of the money is going to new boats and hand soap. 

Save Gowanus - Ugh...annoying. Maybe not wrong though. If the Canal is unsafe, which oh lord is it, and this huge development comes in and for now we ignore all the schools and transportation and that your little fancy coffee shop will be overtaken by middle class people who just want a Starbucks because they have to go to work god damn it...what about all that poo? It's got to go somewhere. The sewer system just doing its job is filling the Gowanus Canal with sewage. What about when it's flooding because of an overworked system? It's a river of slime coming over your walls and into your house. Ain't that some shit?