Entitled Neighbor Watch: Buyer Beware

We have a little kerfuffle developing in my co-op. My new BALLER neighbor hasn't had a decent night's sleep since she moved in last spring.

Apparently, her upstairs neighbors are children...and early risers. And they like to jump upon their trampoline and make incomprehensible amounts of noise starting at, oh, DAWN, when their small feet first hit the ground.

I feel her pain, espesh because she seriously shelled out for her seemingly serene apartment, which she probably looked at for a total of twenty minutes once or twice. Anyway, back to my point: too bad she didn't tour the joint at six in the morning before she signed on the dotted line.

So, what are we to do, we apartment dwellers? There seems to be no way for your average buyer to get the goods about what to expect before you actually buy the place. Are you averse to korean fish fry smells? Will your upstairs neighbors have wall-vibrating sex or move their furniture every night at two am? Will you have a neighbor who is a psycho? A dog next door that never shuts up? One who writes a scathing review of your new book after you send it to the coop listserv?

One such account: "Every night around 2am, my upstairs neighbors start RE-ARRANGING FURNITURE. Like so loud you wouldn't believe. It's a rental but we've already put in a ton of money into the apt. And tried talking to people but they are crazy and ended up calling the police!" 

I heard about another local guy whose crazy neighbor actually DID have him arrested when he knocked too hard on her door while she was vacuuming at five freaking AM,and split her shitty already broken rickety front door. This after she'd been terrorizing him and his family for months.

I think we need to establish some kind of etiquette here. Frankly, I thought generations of us ALREADY HAD. But obviously it's time for a reminder.

We continuously shush our kids, take off our shoes, don't stomp and clomp. And, lo these many years, god bless him, downstairs neighbor Bob has never complained once. It's a reciprocal arrangement: I haven't complained about the smoke inhalation and higher risk of lung cancer. Plus, we fixed our floors to make them quieter. There are rugs. And rules. 

So, whether you're doing Karah-TAY, or running like a herd of water buffalos, or your pooch keens like a Coyote, put in some effort and find a way to show some consideration to your neighbors!

Okay, as always, tell us your war stories in the comments...