Endangered Species Watch?: Slope Smokers

Every time I walk past some lone and lonely smoker standing on their snowy stoop (look at that alliteration), I remind myself to post something. The sightings have gotten so few and far between that I was ready on the basis of this half-assed inFIPStigation to put them on my endangered species list. And that was before Gothamist sent me some data.

According to a new analysis, in 50 years smoking may be as outdated as floppy disks or whale harpooning. Though the research is based on declining rates in Britain, it says just one in five Americans is a smoker, down from one in four a decade ago. And as of 2009, there were just 1 million adult smokers in New York City. Though the number might be higher, as rumors of public shamings have driven many into hiding. Oh crap, did we just give Bloomberg an idea? 

It's gotten so bad for the smokers of Park Slope that I've grown sorry for them. Me...the one who wrote my first real research paper (6th grade, IS 44) on the dangers of cigarette smoking complete with an exhibit jar of my stepmother's water-soaked butts.

I still hate the shit out of the Manhattan smokers but they at least still have strength in numbers. Lately I find that I'm compelled to stop and chat with the PS contingent because I'm perverse that way: I hate you like poison until you're downtrodden. Isn't that just the Park Slope way?

I've even had a special place in my heart lo these many years for my downstairs neighbor, Smoker Bob. At least since we rebuilt the whole frigging apartment and sprayed foam insulation inside every wall to keep him out.

Smoke in peace, buttheads. You are in my heart. And lungs!