End of Days Week: Is This Crappy Weather A Sign From God?

I don't know if you all have heard yet but the world is ending on Saturday. 

My weeklong celebration of life on Earth began at the PS 321 Fundraising Gala, which had a whiff of dying empire to it. The theme: A Passage to India. And, my god, I've never seen those temple chintz curtains and that horrid wallpaper look so good. There were flower petals forming a carpet at the entry and lots of women with little jewels on their foreheads, working it like you never see at pick up. But no Bollywood production numbers (maybe those happened after I left?).

As the rabbi's wife said while making a break for a quiet corner, it's like prom. It WAS; we're always on the cusp here in Park Slope and adult proms are where it's at!

BY Yolanda EdwardsBY Yolanda Edwards

Amy Sohn was my kind-of date. She went stag too, our husbands having the good sense to stay home. Feeling the pressure of not wanting to appear schlubby once Amy emailed asking what I looked like and whether I'd be wearing glasses, I spent an hour painting and repainting my toes and making sure my one and only cocktail dress still fit. I even pulled out the contacts and cosmetics for the occasion (actually, I had to borrow the makeup from my daughter.) Because here's a lesser known fact: chicks dress up for other chicks.

The $10,000 Birkin purse was just sitting on a table collecting bids. Amy Sohn contends that it's actually worth MORE than ten grand because there is evidently a decade long waiting list for this thing. One of her DILFs outdid my opening bid of twenty five bucks with his own $1000 salvo. I think it went for something like five grand and apparently there's already a virtually identical one selling on eBay for $25,500. Hmmm. No way!

Anyway, all for a good cause 'cause PS 321's funding got cut by a million dollars this year! And just in case the world doesn't end this weekend, you people with disposable income should get your virtual asses to the online auction site before it closes on May 26th. Who knows what bargains lurk. Here's the link.

Day 2 revels included a trip down to the annual 5th Avenue fair where we ate sausage sandwiches, listened to old geezers sing classic rock, and watched the shamwow guy do his thing. The line for the moon walk stretched at least halfway there (or at least Sunset Park), but we did get to watch the parade of armaggedonists marching by.

I ran into my old bungalow buddy Tom just after the judgement people passed by and asked how he was planning on spending his end of days. He then told me that he'd been busy, Barb was well, thanks and, incidentally, he'd died of a massive coronary three weeks before at Methodist but had been brought back to life with an artery-opening stent and some heart medication. Shit!

Day 3 dawned rainy with a chance of rain. Also, I'd like to propose that 8th Avenue be turned into one giant bike lane because this daily afternoon traffic jam is making my feel murdery.

I don't know yet what the rest of the week will bring except for fucking RAIN day in and day out. 

I'm thinking of asking my handyman to construct an ark out of all the uninstalled wood he has under the bed. How are you planning on spending your final days?