Does Park Slope Got Talent?

Howie Mandel once had little fly larvae grow UNDER HIS SKIN. As a child, some crazy-ass mutant alien fly impregnated him with babies and they actually grew, requiring a doctor to freeze (some) of them to death. His Mom scraped the rest out over a few more weeks. My Mom would have been saying the rosary and bathing me in Holy Water (El Diablo!).  So it is no surprise he is a germaphobe.  Why he thinks America has any talent (except for getting fat, then getting diabetes, and keeping the Kardashians employed) I have no idea. But he and the AGT (That’s America’s Got Talent, for you non-hollywood types) are returning to NYC next week to try their best to find those of you that don’t suck at anything.

Now, what you think you might be good at doing while clothing covers your genitalia is very subjective.  So they assembled the crew for season 10 to include professional judges like my idol Howard Stern and my drag personas Heidi Klum Z and Mel B Spicy.  They tell us you should register early so you don’t have to be last in line, in the cold, holding your monkey, accordion, or dummy. You can also be totally introverted and just send in a video. With no age limit and an acceptance of any kind of self-professed yet unprofitable talent, you could dazzle your way to a million American dollars in just 90 seconds. If your “talent” is too large, they would actually set you up with some staging outside, where you can attempt to hide your shame in the sunlight.  Shit, you could even be the next Bianca Ryan!  So polish that stripper pole and get Talenting™ Park Slope!

AGT will be hosting open call auditions in New York City on November 8 and 9 at Pier 94 (711 12^th Avenue) from 8am to 6pm. Anyone interested in auditioning should pre-register on the AGT website at www.agtauditions.com.

Photo: NBC/Dailymail.co.uk