Cool or Not Cool: Misspelling Your Kid's Name?

Ohdeedoh recently published a post on current bebe naming trends, and if you've ever stood in line at Union Market listening to mommies scream at their kids running around with handfulls of organic kale, none of this shit is a big surprise: retro names (Josephine, Charlotte, Harry); "Double L" names (Delialah, Tallulah); "X" names (Max, Dexter); and "econonomical monosyllabic" names (Hal, Joe) are all very popular right now...and ESPECIALLY popular in this neighborhood.  

But as is often the case online nowadays, the most interesting shit here by FAR, is in the comments.

Most of the discussions concern parents who named their kids: Beatrix, Josephine, Felix, Mathis, Trixie and Tallulalah, who are all SHOCKED, SHOCKED, SHOCKED to learn that that shit ain't quite as original as they thought (as confirmed by all the other parents in the commments who named their bebes the same exact fucking thing). But there's also a couple of verrrry surprising little jewels in there.

Like this one from Sally305:

"I am a parent but I am making this comment as an employer of numerous young people just out of school. Cutesy baby names and/or use alternate spellings may suit an infant or young child, but remember that your children are saddled with whatever you give them their whole lives. And like it or not, names are part of first impressions. If I see two resumés and one job applicant has a respectable, solid name (say, Anna or Jacob) while the other has an "original" or alternately spelled name (say, Brylee or Dacoda) I am going to assume, rightly or not, that the latter was brought up in a household where the parents didn't care about education (i.e., spelling) and had low aspirations for their children. Conversely, I will assume (again, rightly or wrongly) that the person with the more traditional or "normal" name was brought up with traditional or normal values. Of course this shouldn't reflect on the kids, but really--who would you want doing your emergency C-section--a Thomas or a Crayten? An Elizabeth or a MaKayli?"

Or this one from honeyhaze:

"I think we all know this boils down to a class issue. Educated parents are much more likely to use "real" names (e.g. classic, common spellings) and less educated parents trend toward the creative spellings or invented names. Our name biases do reflect reality to some extent. A kid named MahKhynzay might have Harvard educated parents, but probably not..."

Or this one from sunnyblue:

"While I'm commenting: I used to be a newspaper "lifestyles" editor. I can't tell you how fraught with danger it is to write up a story on girls named Ashlee, Ashley, Ashleigh, Michaela, Mikelah, Makayla, Katrina, Katre'Nah, Katreena, Tiffany, and Tiffnee. If you don't want your child's name to be constantly misspelled, then don't misspell it. Because once your kid leaves the house, it is out of your control."

OMG, A-FUCKING-MEN BREEDERS!!

I find this whole name misspelling thing absolutely infuriating. I mean, HELLO parents!? WTF do you think people are thinking when your kid starts spelling out his name "D-A-C-O-D-A!?" Cause I'll tell you what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking:

• I hate you, Dacoda
• I HATE your parents, Dacoda
• I hate the fact that I live in a world where naming your motherfucking child DAKOTA and spelling it DACODA seems cool

And, trust me: I'm not alone.

And on top of all that, true or not, there *are* class associations with this shit as well. I mean be TOTALLY honest with yourself right now: when you see the name MahKhynzay or Tiffnee what's some of the shit that you start thinking about? Cause true-confessions: I'm thinking future Wal-Mart employee.

Look, I'm not a *complete* fucking moron, so I get the fact that there are bajillions of people out there with retardedly spelled names who aren't going to be Wal-Mart employees, and will invent shit, and save lives, and lead countries.  My point is, life is hard is enough as it is...why complicate shit? If you want your kid to have a unique name, come up with a unique fucking name!

A unique spelling of a common name, is not unique, ppl...it's S-T-U-P-I-D. Everyone SAYS your kid's name--not everyone SPELLS your kid name. And ensuring that the people who *do* spell DACODA'S name will be spelling it wrong, is a very mean fucking trick to play on your innocent lil bebe.

Anyway.

Now that I've ranted my face off, what do you guys think?

Cool or not cool: ridiculous unique name spellings for kids, like Dacoda or Mahkhynzay?

(via @theambershow)