BROOKLYN SERVES UP A SPECIAL DELIVERY

Lazy motherfuckers rejoice! The day has finally come, Brooklynites, that you don't need to leave your home for any reason. Your shitzu, Mimi, is walked 3 times a day by an app-based dog walker, all the food your gluttonous hearts desire is but a few click-clicks away on Seamless, Amazon Prime will rush all you impatient jerks your skivvies, Fresh Direct literally grocery shops for you, and now there's Parcel.

Parcel, a Brooklyn-based company, is the latest in a bunch of delivery options that vows to deliver when it's convenient for you. No doorman, no problem! Untrustworthy neighbors, no problem. Twelve story walk-up, no problem. Agoraphobia—ain't no thang. Tell ya what, they'd be head and shoulders on my mail carrier if they don't shit on my delivery, fold it into a paper airplane, and fire it through my front door from the sidewalk.  

It works like this: Parcel receives your package, they notify you via text, and you may then schedule delivery that same evening with a 1 hour window between 7pm and 11pm. They will then hand deliver your goods for a $5 fee. Having lived in Astoria for a stretch, I can appreciate this convenience. If I was unfortunate enough to miss a package delivery, I had to walk over a mile to the closest post office, then shlep the damn thing home. There was no train and I was not about to pony up extra bucks for a cab—no sir.

As far as I can tell, the only better options on the horizon are Google drones flying through your window with that new Afghan you ordered, or a 3D printer so you can witness first-hand the birth of your new Jimmy Choos. We're not quite there yet, so Parcel seems to have cornered the market. 

So...are you going to use it, or this just another flash-in-the-pan Brooklyn-y, artisinal startup? 

Starting Thursday 11/20, the Brooklyn neighborhoods that will be Parcel-accessible will include Williamsburg, Park Slope, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, DUMBO, Brooklyn Heights, Greenpoint, Fort Greene, Bushwick, Prospect Heights, Clinton Hill, and Bed-Stuy.