BREEDER SPECIAL REPORT: ASIAN PLURALIZATION PANDEMIC HARMFUL TO PARK SLOPE CHILDREN
Breeder | Friday, March 6, 2009 at 12:55AM 
Just one Vietnamese Sandwich for everyone in Park Slope to share? Even the co-op would scoff; I think you see what I'm getting at.
It comes down to this: If you care about your children, stop letting them eat Chinese food. Or you know - "pan-Asian" food in general; basically anything our racist grandparents used to refer to as "sending out for chinks" - which is a disgusting way to phrase it, but you know what I'm saying.
This has nothing to do with the gloppy sauces or MSG those people use, or anything health-related like that; no, I'm talking instead about the Asians' complete lack of understanding of English rules of pluralization. It's now been proven that for school-age children just learning to read and write, regular exposure to these sorts of bastardized plurals can have a real effect on their language processing abilities / appetites.
Taking action is easy - just look around and identify the businesses which have Asians in charge of menu copywriting / signage, and try to avoid those establishments. It's not racist to say that they usually don't pluralize. Here are some examples of what to look out for:
;)
;)
;)
;)
So now you know.
Again, I don't want you to think I'm suggesting all parents should just blacklist a certain type of ethnic food just because of the owner's race - it has nothing to do with race, and it would be a mistake - a racist mistake - to equate it as such. It's the same way that it's just common sense to search young Muslim males at airports - it's not about their RACE, obviously, just the fact that MOST (but not all) terrorists have been Muslim thus far.
Same thing here - there might be many Asian businesses that have proper pluralization and are ideal places for your children to dine and learn. It just means you have to be a little more careful about searching them and checking their passports / making sure they don't have one-way tickets / and are generally in good grammatical shape.
One such example of a pluralistically responsible Asian establishment is Beet Thai, who has all of their multiples in order - appetizerS, lunch specialS, entreeS, etc - all perfectly American and organic. I highly recommend Beet, as does my husband who is half black and used to live in Japan. The owners and menumakers of Beet are Asian and still have some cultural heritage / pride, such as a differently-minded form of the pluperfect subjective tense:
;)
...but the sustainability of these kinds of non-plaurally-based grammatical departures has been proven to be greater, and thus far less detrimental to a growing child's processor motorskill.
Another option anyway, regardless, is just going to Beet and not even letting your child look at the Thai Wok section of the menu. If he did see part of it, again, it wouldn't be a total dealbreaker - Besides, that kind of diversity is why most of us live in Park Slope in the first place.
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Reader Comments (20)
These are the type of things that concern breeders?
@ Jeff uh...to quote chicken underwear: joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke! (duh)
This is the first time I've had tears in my eyes from this blog. This is the funniest shit I've ever seen
JEFF: you are not allowed to comment on this blog for a period of one (1) year and no less.
I have to say that I'm with JEFF on this one. If you don't like Asian places, don't go. And, honestly? "Taking action is easy - just look around and identify the businesses which have Asians in charge of menu copywriting / signage, and try to avoid those establishments." Do you really think you sound any better than your grandparents when you write stuff like this? Maybe you'd be more comfortable in the burbs where all menus are spelled "the white way."
When Yummy Taco on Flatbush changed their signature fresh as sign, I knew we were screwed.
Need we ever begin the discussion on "shrimps"?
And by ever, I mean even.
I do realize the attempt at humor here, I just don't get it. Do Breeder's look to everything as a form of education or miseducation on their children? I mean, I laugh when I see blatant typos at certain restaurants, but as long as the food's okay, where's the harm? The typo is added fun. And is my assumption wrong that most impressionable children probably won't read the menus anyway? When I was growing up, my parents usually ordered. Unless there was a kids section on the menu, I could have given a shit.
All I'm saying is that if this is the kind of stuff that bothers breeders, than I don't want a part of it.
LOLOCAUST
Jeff = all time epic failfag
Support lifetime ban
@ Jeff:
The plurals don't bother me, but poor use of apostrophes sure does.
It's not racist? Oh but really, it is...
So not fuckin' funny. In fact, you sound like a Nazi.
Ever heard of "picture(s) tell a thousand words:?
Would have been funnier just to post pictures of random grammar mishaps around the neighborhood. There are many, regardless of who wrote them.
As the parent of a 2nd grader in a public school around the corner from Bubble Tea I have to tell you that my kid is not yet being graded on spelling and grammar yet so the mistakes will be lost on them.
If you're so stressed about the errors (and pl-ease, get something better to worry about), use the menu as a game, make it fun and challenging to have your kid find the mistakes, and keep eating the MSG (and the lead paint).
Otherwise order take out, lest you break some of the tenants of the Declaration of Co-Dependence <http://www.blognigger.com/2008/07/declaration-of-co-dependence.html> by having your kid at a restaurant in the first place.
This is why real brooklyn hates people from park slope..go back to where your from,all of you...we spent 20 years getting rid of racism and u want to boycot asians for not adding an s to there menu.I have the sprint store on 7th,come see me in person..I wanna explain something to you my friend
I am an Asian-American whose family moved to this country when I was 8 years old. My parents still work in places like this that not only will give your precious children MSG-laden diarrhea, but spoil their perfect grasp on the English language. I'm sorry my college-educated parents were too busy working below their abilities and trying to support a family to learn how to properly pluralize in English. You see, not all languages have the same grammar systems as the language you speak. Maybe if you weren't so busy "working from home" and spending $20+ on restaurant meals for your kids, these things wouldn't be that much of a concern to you.
I understand this was meant to be funny but I still found it offensive. I didn't even think the Miley Cyrus photo was offensive. And "chink"? Really? What was the point of that and this entire post?
wow. i'm moving to park slope and i'm actually beginning to think its a bad idea. if all of you there are like the person who wrote this blog, i'm extremely disappointed.
I would like to inquire about how many Asian languages the writer of this blogs knows fluently? I would further like to know if she even can communicate perfectly in a language other than English? Perhaps she should be more worried about teaching her "quarter black" children about tolerance and understanding rather than being a grammar snob. I don't understand the reason for mentioning her husband is half-black. Is that supposed to make her sound less racist? I bet she has a ton of half-black and half-Asian friends too. Maybe she should just cook at home.
wholly shit, who are all these retards?? were they at the tweetup?
go away and stop commenting! this post is by benjamin- there is no BREEDER - its a fucking JOKE! go home or read only the blog knows brooklyn. leave us alone!
OK I realized a while later that this wasn't written by an actual person, but I still was initially offended and deeply disturbed for a while afterward. This is a fairly new blog with ambiguous purposes; it pokes fun of and praises PS at the same time. I doubt I would've gotten so defensive if this was a comedy blog and knew going into it that it would be in jest.
I'm not saying you should precede all posts like this with "JOKE", but at least think about what you're writing and how it might be interpreted in this medium. Or not. Whatever, I'm not part of this elitist neighborhood circle-jerking each other in tweetups. I thought you should just know that not only was this in poor taste, it was just not funny at all.
@michelle: "I doubt I would've gotten so defensive if this was a comedy blog and knew going into it that it would be in jest."
UHM...here is the FIPS footer:
Copyright © 2009, FIPS. All rights reserved.
FIPS is a work of Parody and Satire - Nothing on this site should be taken seriously in any way. It's one big, poorly-written joke.
Maybe YOU are the one who should think about whether or not this is a website you want to come to. If so, great...if not, click on over to some other shit. If you are seriously wondering whether a site who publishes a story about raccoons who want to immigrate to Park Slope is serious or not, I think you've got some bigger issues to work through.
For the record, this was incredibly fucking funny...and guess what: I'm Asian!!