BREAKING: THERE IS A SAVED BY THE BELL MUSICAL

If you were a child of the 90's, you probably spent a ridiculous amount of time watching Saved By the Bell.  Cheesy, formulaic, and saccharine, it's a mystery why we loved this show so much, considering what a cynical bunch of assholes we all grew up to be (Remember "Friends Forever," for God's sake?).  

AND GUESS WHAT: former Park Slope dwellers Bob and Tobly McSmith have created an homage to the classic show, Bayside! The Unmusical.  

Are you so excited, so excited, so SCARED?  So was I.  BUT: it was hilarious.  So hilarious that I needed to track down Bob ad Tobly to get the inside scoop on this hilarious send-up of this Saturday morning favorite.  

Rumor has it that you came up with the idea for a Saved by the Bell Musical while living in Park Slope (and while high on mushrooms outside of the Key Food).  What about Park Slope would inspire a raunchy musical send-up of this classic American favorite? 

Tobly: What an outlandish rumor! We would never do drugs. Just like the Saved by the Bell kids. There we were, completely sober, staring at a tree for twenty minutes outside Key Food. Park Slope's nature was what really inspired us.

Bob: At the time we lived in a terrible apartment share. There were four of us living in a two bedroom apartment. Tobly and the owner had bedrooms, and a morbidly obese girl and I both slept on loft beds in alcoves.  Saved by the Bell was on TBS every morning, we watched it when we were getting ready for work.

Tobly: "Getting ready for work" included getting high.

Bob: But, we would never, ever do drugs.

What is it about an old corny show like Saved by the Bell that gets people all riled up? Everyone I told about the musical thought it was the greatest idea ever.

Bob: It's time has come. People love Saved by the Bell, sometimes a little too much.

Tobly: Saved by the Bell is deeply engrained in all of our souls and genitals.

Did you have to watch the Screech porno for research while you were writing the show?

Bob: Unfortunately, yes. His junk looks weird.

Tobly: Bob masturbated to it. It made for a super uncomfortable afternoon for me. 

If you were any Saved by the Bell character, who would you be?

Tobly: I would be Becky the duck that dies in the oil spill.

Bob: Is it wrong that I grew up wanting to be Screech? But he's a little too main stream. I'd be one of the lesser dorks. Probably the one that sounds like he smokes three packs a day.

Are there plans to expand the show? Perhaps an even more adult The College Years sequel?

Bob: No one wants to see The College Years. Bloated Zack doesn't bring in the same crowds. Also, why was a professional football player living with them?

Tobly: I would have sex with Bob Golic.

Bob: Agreed. Our next project is related tangentially to Saved by the Bell—April Kidwell (who plays Jessie Spano in the show) is going to play the lead. We aren't quite ready to talk about it yet, but it's a very obvious choice.

Tobly: It’s called "Caffeine Pill Superstar”

In your opinion, what Park Slope place is most like The Max?

Bob and Tobly: Connecticut Muffin.

Is the Kraine Theatre serious about that bathroom situation? I mean, what the fuck?

Tobly: Oh, we wouldn’t know. The backstage bathroom has a tuxedoed attendant and a bidet. 

Bob: We strongly encourage people to urinate in beer bottles during the show.

Bayside! The Unmusical is playing in the East Village until 10/17 at the Kraine Theatre (85 E. 4th St, between 2nd and 3rd Ave).  Tickets are $15.  Friends forever.