Our New Neighborhod Menace: Casting Directors

No, they're not, really. Did you just think for a moment you might be picked to hug Robert Pattinson, or that the casting notes for Star Wars Episode VII included 'pasty individual with master's degree who knows if kale is past its sell-by date?' Bah. You don't have a chance of being discovered as big Hollywood talent, because you're not married and living in Prospect Heights.

There is a listserv for Prospect Heights Parents, and among other things, it helps parents find babysitters and nannies, lets them know about upcoming stoop sales, and is apparently a target for top-rank reality TV recruiting. This week, a very odd message was mailed to the 2,000 plus strong group looking for "outgoing, fun, successful single men and women based in New York City for an exciting new dating show concept!" Yes, I have bile in my mouth too. It gets worse: "This will be a comic but warm-hearted show that will feature a team of matchmakers who help men and women of any age or sexual orientation overcome their dating challenges in the pursuit of love." At no point is the "award winning television production company's" name mentioned, which begs the question as to why they are more interested in bragging about awards than actually telling us what they were and who, exactly, won them.

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Artist Steve Keene Painting Live on BPL Plaza All Summer

Image via tractor-beam.comIn case you’ve been in or around the Grand Army Plaza on recent weekends, you may have noticed a man in front of the Brooklyn Public Library painting three different scenes at a time on sextuple surfaces. No, it’s not Bert from Mary Poppins or any other public art-executing loony, it’s Steve Keene, the BPL’s very own Bob Ross and artist in residence! Didn’t know the BPL had an artist in residence did you? Philistine!

Greenpoint-based Steve’s actually a fairly well-known contemporary artist as it turns out (Steve Chang of Momofuku is a fan – if you’ve been to Ma Peche you’ve seen his work). His rather unique way of thinking is that he believes art should be hand-painted, but in massive quantities. To date he estimates his total output as more than 140,000 works, and his method is to lay out boards on a wall and add identical elements to each surface in rapid succession. According to Steve:

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[FIPS WAS THERE…] Brooklyn Community Chorus

A few Saturday afternoons ago I was in my living room, drink in hand, proud that I’d just gotten the 1-across (Cause of an artery blockage: STREET FAIR) when the missus announced that were  going down the road to Congregation Beth Elohim to hear choral music. Naturally she had been reminding me about this obligation for a number of weeks, and naturally I unwittingly and consistently allowed it to slip my mind. Our next-door neighbor and good friend was singing in the show, and as I mulled over what a gentile should wear to a secular concert in a synagogue (went with collared shirt and pastel-colored shorts, no socks), I tried to imagine what I was about to experience. I foresaw potential for a bleak Saturday evening. Turns out I was totally wrong.

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Prospect Heights Grow House Goes Up In Smoke

Photo credit: Brokelyn/Kenny RossIf you noticed a piquant, herbaceous odor on Vanderbilt Avenue this past Sunday afternoon, Antonio Dow, 45, is to blame. Turns out the horti-fucking-culturalist was growing a considerable amount of ganja in his apartment and backyard.

Growing pot indoors can sometimes involve heat lamps in the thousand-watt range (the average room is capable of sustaining just one bulb that powerful), but whatever the configuration of his artisanal Brooklyn weed hobby (described by the FDNY as ‘substantial’), one of his extension cords sparked a blaze. He also decided it was a good idea to have some loose ammo around his apartment for some reason, and he’s ultimately being charged with criminal drug possession and intent to sell. Luckily the FDNY put out the fire in a snap and there were no injuries, but nearby residents did feel a strange need to head up to Amorina for a slice. 

VIA COMPLEX.COM

Finally, a drinks menu just for you lady-folks

Photo credit: Konstantin Sergeyev via Grub StreetYou’re a lady, and as a man I can say on behalf of my fellow chaps that we really enjoy having you 

around. Really, we do. You smell of flowers, smile frequently, and generally make us merry with your 

silvery, tinkling laughter and dainty ankles. That said, your companionship comes at a price. We have to 

put our coats down on puddles for you, retrieve you from standing on chairs after seeing mice, and walk 

on the outside of you while we chaperone you to the hat shop (oh, you and your millinery). We also like 

to have the odd sherry with you every now and again, but the simple fact is that without the willpower 

and fortitude of a man such behavior can lead to an inordinately high incidence of swooning and we 

have to scoop you up and carry you back to your boudoir, one of your forearms artfully draped over 

your eyes. How adorable of you.

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