Are We Still Talking About Babies in Bars?

Sigh. I think we've covered babies in bars on FIPS almost every year since FIPS was born. Sure, we realize people keep having babies and those people want to get the fuck out of their houses that smell slightly of poop and formula and have a beer in a public place in the midst of people who, one hopes, don’t smell of poop and formula. And maybe those people don’t know the etiquette? How about we post a laminated card over the bar next to the What-to-do-when-someone’s-choking-sign, or send out tip sheets with the buybuybaby coupons?

There’s been quite a bit of brouhaha in Park Slope in the past (the past) about selfish breeders and their drool-soaked offspring ruining the good times of selfish ballers who want to drink in the midst of people who, one hopes, don’t smell of poop and formula, are tall enough to see over a bar, and old enough to order a drink at one. Didn’t we kind of put this one to bed, though, or down for a nice nap, at least? Here in Park Slope, we got breeders, we got ballers, and everybody needs a damn drink. That’s universal.  

This breeder, whose kids are now in that awkward stage – too old to be brought into a bar and too young to walk into one on their own --  goes to a bar to get away from my kids, so I’d rather not see yours, but I respect and understand your right and need to drink outside your home. 

Since this is the issue that refuses to die, Thrillist has come up with a helpful list of rules to follow if you do choose to bring your rugrats to your local pub. Most of these rules are fine, though a fair number seem less about being considerate of other patrons and more geared toward making the experience most pleasant for the breeders and their kids:

Don't get frustrated when they pick up something they're not supposed to pick up

Bring two kinds of food

Order soft food

Don't bring toys

I do take issue with one of the rules that says not to change your kid in the "foul bathroom," but, instead, to find a flat surface like a covered foosball table. That is fucking disgusting. I don't care if you have a changing pad. Don't do that. Pro tip: sit knee to knee with your significant other and change the little shit in your laps. Or, you know, don't bring your baby to a bar.