83% of Subway Announcements Are 'Clear and Accurate'

image via Park Slope Lens

Here's the latest: the Straphangers Campaign has released a "study" which claims that 83% of subway announcements are both clear AND accurate.

BWHAAAAHHHAAAAAA!

Ok, here's the thing: the study included both subway lines that have automated/recorded announcements and those that don't.

Uhm, that's not how it shoulda worked, party ppl.

Obviously the announcements that have been fucking recorded in a motherfucking studio are clear and easily understandable! It's all the other announcements that come from real human beings, who hate their lives, and their jobs, and most especially you, that are completely inaudible.

I'm at the point where I don't even give a shit if these announcements are accurate or not...I just wanna understand wtf they're saying!

Oh, also results were included for two subway lines that no longer exist.

Well, I've done a study myself and I'd like to release the results right here: I CANNOT UNDERSTAND A MOTHERFUCKING THING THAT ANY SUBWAY CONDUCTOR EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SAYS. I've lived in NYC for over 10 years now, and I ride the subway an average of 2 times per day. I've heard around 3 total clear announcements in the past decade across all subway lines. So I'm going to guestimate the math here and say that subway announcements are actually "clear and accurate" around .001% of the time when a real human being is speaking.

Switch all subway lines over to recorded announcements immediately...do not pass go, and do not collect $200.

(via Village Voice)