Why is buying concert tickets so fucking hard?

image via flickriver.comWhen I was a teenager, I lived on Long Island and used to go to a ton of concerts. Between Jones Beach and MSG and Nassau Colosseum, all the big tours with the most popular artists were always a quick ride away. And then there were smaller venues like The Vanderbilt (RIP!) that always seemed to have amazing up-and-coming acts for $10 a ticket. I saw a lot of live music back then. Devoured it, even. 

But the last time I saw a live concert was just about a year ago. And that's because a friend had extra tickets. 

Part of the reason I've removed myself from the live music scene is because buying tickets has become an impossible experience. Back in '90s Long Island, I'd wake up early on a Saturday morning and go to Tower Records and wait in line for the Ticketmaster booth to open up. You'd get there at 6am or so, wait in the cold with the rest of your favorite artist's die-hard fans, and when the booth opened at 10am, you'd have your pick at prime tickets. Sometimes, your big sister would hang back at home, trying on the phone line (not my sister because she was a total bitch). And if your mom let you borrow her cell phone (which was approximately $100 a minute and was as big as a brick), you'd sometimes wait in line while being on the phone at the same time. It was a race to the finish line, but when you got there, there were pretty much always tickets. 

Nowadays, it's not that easy. Nowadays, every big concert has 100 exclusive pre-sales you magically have to know about.* And they all have different codes and requirements of credit cards you have to use or apps you need to download in order to get them. And by the time any show officially goes on sale to the public, it's like, completely sold out. And then you're totally forced to buy tickets from scalpers off Craigslist or StubHub, who completely jack up the price per ticket and totally fuck you out of being able to afford the tickets you need. You know what scalpers were like when I was younger? They were dirty old men who stood outside arenas and sold you day-of-the-show tickets. You could totally ignore them if you wanted. Now you're practically forced to use them exclusively to buy anything. Life sucks.

Also, I'm 30 and I can't believe I'm saying all this "when I was a kid" shit. Fuck me.

So how do you do it, friends? How do you buy concert tickets these days? What's the strategy? What do I need to know? And for fucks sake CAN SOMEONE GET ME TWO TICKETS TO BEYONCÉ AT BARCLAYS PLEASE?!?!? SHE'S ADDED A THIRD SHOW AND THEY GO ON SALE MONDAY AND I WANT THEM!

*I get that this isn't the case for smaller venues with more up-and-coming musicians, but I'm older and don't care about that shit anymore