Who Gives A Shit: Smelly Neighbors

I arrived home the other day to a team of hulky (couldn't see if they were hunky) firemen heading in to my building because my teenage neighbor thought for sure the joint was burning down. 

Well, we weren't on fire, thankfully. But for several days now, our upper hallways have been filling up with scary-ass acrid smoke that smells like wood burning, which sends residents into a tizzy and then we knock on doors, call our super in a panic, and finally send my handy husband down to check the boiler. It took a few go-rounds to realize that it's somebody up the block.

Now, I can deal with Smoker Bob and I can deal with the occasional spam-scented stinky food smells (marginally) but I really don't know if I can deal with thinking the building is on fire every day so that some neighbor down the block can benignly, unknowingly have a bonfire or barbecue or get all "Vermont comes to Brooklyn. It makes me nervous.

And not just me. Between our own fire drills, the school's, and my calls to my friend on 17th to wish her a happy birthday and make sure HER HOUSE wasn't on fire the other day, I haven't done much for my own littler's own BIG, FAT FIRE PHOBIA.

"I was just getting over the whole fire thing like yesterday and now THIS happens. We need to figure out our escape route."

Which leads to an unending series of questions begetting questions about our lackluster fire evacuation plan, the fact that Daddy pulled out the fire detector in a fit of annoyance and hasn't hooked it back up, are we on fire now?, what will we do if, and on and on and on. 

Anyway, back to the smelly neighbors: I had no idea until I wrote this post that there is a whole world out there on the Internet devoted to people complaining about stinky neighbors.

Brownstoner... possibly deranged, smelly neighbor

Apartment Therapy.... smoking neighbor

Chowhound... stinky fishhead loving cook

Also: stinky hoarders, stinky pet owners, stinky unwashed people...

Okay, have at it. Vent about your own poorly vented, most-hated neighborly odors...