Park Slope Moms Are Disgusting Slobs

Don't shoot the messenger, ppl. I'm just dropping some truth bombs on your faces straight from my #1 fave Park Slope blog: Fabulous in Park Slope (faux FIPS).

As you'll recall, Courtney from Faux FIPS is on a quest to rediscover where in the HAYLL all the fabulous is hiding out in our fine ass neighborhood. And newsflash: for those of you keeping track, you should note that there ain't no fabulous whatsoever atop the poorly dyed, probably unbrushed heads of all the moms here in Park Slob:

"I have noticed that my neighborhood mamas have not taken responsibility for their stray grays. Having darker hair like I do, it's is more difficult to cover those wiry strands but not impossible! It's a simple wash, you can even do it yourself (although I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have Eduardo give you a head massage). I think that it's the honorable thing to do."

Uhm, could I have said it any better myself? Not in a million billion years.

Also, let's be honest: it really IS the honorable thing to do ladiez. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! Cause I for one don't want to spend another red hot minute looking at your granny fly aways as you breeze by me with your Bugaboos on your way to Kidville. Ugh!

Anyway, why would you not color your hair? Coloring your hair *might* even give you crunchy, square-rimmed glasses wearing four-eyed moms some teeny tiny hope of actually getting noticed! But probably not, so don't get your hopes up!

"Mamas, this can turn back years; brighten your skin tone and make those blue eyes seen through the square rimmed glasses!"

Not to worry, though! Cause just in case you do find yourself in this granny haired Park Slob club, Courtney offers up a helpful hint: you can probably pick up some non-toxic, vegan, organic hair dye during your next Coop shift!

I'm sure that the Food Coop must sell some version of a hair color? Maybe 'Go-Go Green Grays'? 'Henna the Heck outta those Grays'?"

I-n-d-e-e-d.

So, THANK YOU, thank you, a thousand times thank you Faux FIPS, for bringing this very important issue to light!