Park Slope Missed Connections

Have you ever seen someone on the subway that you wish you had said hi to? Too shy to talk to the mysterious guy sitting in the corner of the bar? Bumped hands with a beautiful stranger while picking out oranges at the farmer’s market? Then Craigslist’s Missed Connections is for you! Here’s a roundup of some notable Park Slope Missed Connections from the past few days:

Target Is For Lovers

What kind of a sick fuck looks for love at Target? Is it not bad enough to wade through a mixture of human fecal matter and paper towel? Do moderately priced blenders really start your mojo pumping? Save that shit for someplace classy like Union Market. Leave Target out of it. That is just gross. And specifically for the second poster. That is not how you spell the word “come”. It is not phonetic because this is English, and we don’t play like that. The word you’ve spelled is actually synonymous with “semen”. Wait. Is that what you meant? Gross.

Bears!

What HAPPENED at that bear party? Inquiring minds want to know!

It’s the Economy, Stupid

We get it! You’re a snob. You only read The Economist and watch Charlie Rose every night and subscribe to the opera and only see movies at BAM and have never set foot in a TGI Friday’s. Fine. I may have just described half of Park Slope. You’re all snobs! Go read The Economist together and make smart, snobby babies.

In a Pickle

If I liked pickles (which I don’t, because they are gross), this would totally be my MO - listening to music and eating pickles on the train. But it is NOT a good way to pick up chicks.

How Not to Bone Her

Not specifically Park Slope, but close enough. Y’all are so pervy! Keep it in your pants, man. There is no way that chick noticed your boner. In fact, she’s probably revolted by your blatant display of aggressive sexual desire. People want to feel desired, but not quite so literally with strangers.

Don’t Be So Shy!

This is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I really, earnestly hope these two find each other and fall in love.