Heads up, 7UP: Associated Market Does Free Delivery

Tired of heavy plastic bags cutting into the cold palms of your hands as you make your way home from the grocery store? Overestimate your ability to lug home laundry detergent, cat litter, a crate of clementines and 6 other bags of shit? Fear no more! The helpful staff at Associated Market will deliver your goods -- for free! Simply write your name & address on a post-it and they'll box up your goods and send you on your way, swinging your empty hands as you skip down 5th Avenue.

And damn are they quick. I barely entered my apartment and took off my coat when I found myself buzzing up the delivery dude. He might as well have just walked me home. He seemed surprised when I tipped him, which leads me to believe people aren't tipping out there.

Of course Fresh Direct is another possible route to take in the world of grocery delivery, but then you'd miss out on this crazy fun.