Five Commandments for Chilling in Prospect Park

Image via file-magazine.comNothing typifies Brooklyn summers quite like recreation in Prospect Park. Picnics and sunbathers cover the grassy knoll from dawn till dusk. While the crowds make our neighborhood something quite picturesque, some people really ruin things for the rest of us. Like those guys playing frisbee all over your picnic. Or that mom that lets her kid pet everyone’s dog for hours. We've covered the rules Prospect Park Alliance sets out for those who choose to picnic/BBQ, but with July 4th nearly upon us, here are some unofficial commandments for sharing our most glorious public space: 

1. Thou shall not wear less than a bikini (this goes for women and men). It’s weird enough that laying out in a teeny tiny itsy bitsy bikini is socially acceptable when there is no body of water in sight. So there is no need to undo the straps and lay in the meadow with your side boob hanging out. That tiny piece of skin that the strap covers won’t mind, I promise. Also men, make good choices. Speedos? Come on. There are children present. 
2. Thou shall not get your bones on. We all like to cuddle and laying with your partner in the park is totes adorable and très romantic. But let’s make a rule that everyone’s butts have to stay on the ground (flash back to my mother’s middle school rule about PDA). Otherwise, making out leads to some grinding and I think we can all agree that’s inappropriate, even for hippy-dippy Park Slope. I mean, there are children present. 
3. Thou shall make a deal. Those who bring booze won’t get wasted if those who don’t bring booze won’t rat them out. We’re all adults here. Some people want to enjoy a little champagne with their bag of pretzels and hummus. And as long as nothing gets out of control, there is no point of calling neighbor watch when you hear a cork pop.
4. Thou shall not let your kids bother everyone. I know it’s a public park and I know it’s your child’s chance to run around. But some people in the park have purposefully chosen not to procreate and they don’t want a three-year-old asking them what their name is every other minute. Nor do they want to hear your child screaming for hours. I’m not saying they need to be using indoor voices, but maybe their public-outdoor voices? There are childless-adults present. 
5. Thou shall clean up. Prospect Park is a gift from the neighborhood gods. Have you been to Bushwick? There isn’t a tree in sight. Don’t ruin this whole our-neighborhood-has-a-huge-park-and-is-better-than-yours for us. Just throw away your goddamn trash and we can all get along. 

What other commandments would you add?