FAGGED IN PARK SLOPE: There Goes The Gayborhood

We’ve all heard the stereotypes about Park Slope: it's a stroller parking lot, BREEDER playground, dog mecca, blah, blah, blah. But what about its rep as Brooklyn’s fave gayberhood? Well newsflash, mofos: it’s so not true. I mean, a true gayberhood has a booming singles scene, right? And as we all know the single lesbos left a long time ago, but I'm now here to report that all the single homos have fled the nabe too.

It's like a friggin gay ghost town around here.

It didn’t used to be that way. I remember when I first moved to the Slope four short years ago, there were plenty of young single and ready-to-mingle gays frolicking in Prospect Park and lining the aisles in Union Market. Now, everywhere I turn, I see gays in LTRs, settling down, buying property, and adopting children. They’re not BREEDERS, per se, they’re QUEERENTS; but they may as well be cause they pretty much act just like them.  And while I’m certainly happy for my fellow LGBTQers for finding happiness, starting a family, etc, it’s not exactly helping me get laid.

I'm not really sure whose fault this shit is, but I'm ready to start naming names. Like maybe the bars are to blame?  I mean, back in the day Cattyshack used to have a pretty kick-ass lesbian dance party scene going on. But since closing in Jan 2009, Park Slope is left with only two gay bars: Excelsior (for the men) and Ginger's (for the ladiez). Both bars are great: good music, strong drinks, and packed houses on a Saturday night. But truth be told, both also feel more like friendly local hangouts than hopping singles spots.

In fact, it took me six months of living in this neighborhood to even *find* Excelsior. I walked by that bar so many times, but with the pulled down shades and the low lighting, it seemed like they were trying to hide all the gays inside. Once I discovered it, I was looked: A kick ass patio, great jukebox, and best of all? -– no boys dancing in their underwear to bad Rihanna techno-remixes. It was like a dream come true...except for  the clientele. Older couples, groups of couple friends, and tried and true regulars checking Twitter on their phones--not exactly a recipe for a rip roaring time. And while I appreciate that relaxed scene every now and again, it’s gotten to the point that if I’m going to head out to meet guys, I’m heading to Manhattan. And believe me Park Slope – if you knew how much I hate crossing bridges, you’ll realize that that’s the last thing I want to do.

The lack of neighborhood gay singles isn’t just limited to the bar scene...the Park Slope internet dating scene is pretty pathetic too.  Check the dating sites, and you’ll just pretty much see the same people in rotation. Oh and guess what? Half of them live in Cobble Hill. Heck, even perusing the Craigslist m4m ads or Grindr (well what!) and you’ll see: there aren’t many locals looking for tail (and I am not about to trek over to Prospect Heights for some funny business).

I don't know...I mean, I guess it could be that I’m just looking in the wrong places, but I can't believe that I'm the only one out there who feels this way.  So let me know, fellow homos: am I the only one who thinks the singles scene here is completely lacking? 

(ed note: GET YOURSELF A FUCKING TICKET TO THE BIG GAY MEATUP PEOPLE! You gotta be in it to win it!).

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