Cool Or Not Cool? Dog Training Your Kids

As Erica likes to blather on about advocate: the kid BREEDERS of Park Slope desperately need Cesar Millan to come do a training session in Prospect Park.

So, I emailed him a while back. And, shockingly, he actually responded...

People believe there’s a tone, but the tone to me has nothing to do with how high or loud or strong my voice is – it’s about understanding how I feel at that moment. The tone I use with my children may have more sound to it and be firm because we want them to hear the message, but at the same time, we need to feel loving so they hear that message too. In the dog world, we call it “calm and assertive;” in the human world it’s “loving but firm.” It’s the same thing really – remaining calm and being certain about your message.

Tone is often seen as volume. You need to know if you’re faking it or not being true to yourself – it’s how the sound makes you feel that matters. Either way, never face a situation frustrated or angry. That will set the tone and the message isn’t heard as well when it comes with anger or frustration. Dogs and children both are looking for a direction. They know they need it from you because they don’t have the answer. They want to make sure they’re part of the family, the pack. They want to know if or when they broke a boundary, so you lovingly and firmly -- with conviction – tell them to go back to the path you want them on.

The alpha dog is the one who is guiding, who knows there’s a right and wrong. A good alpha dog is there for the pack; a bad one is there for himself, in which case the outcome for the pack or family won’t be the best for everyone. This is why I talk about having a pack mentality. It’s not self-centered.

We’re not talking about the same species here! Exercise, discipline, and affection can be applied to both, but the approach is different. One is instinctual forever (dogs). And the other has instinctual, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual characteristics. A child has rationality. If you train the way we train dogs, they will be dependent on someone else’s way of life.

In my way of raising kids, I’m not asking them to follow someone’s point of view; I want them to find their own as long as they don’t harm themselves or others. I don’t want to train them to be like me – that would block their identity. So my approach is not about training the child – they get certain training in school, learning that sometimes you have to follow a protocol. But in life and being a parent – life trains you, experience shows you how to grow and be an independent person and bring out your uniqueness.

A trained, obedient dog doesn’t mean he’s balanced, and balance doesn’t equal trained. I want my children to have a life of their own – to be balanced – but to train themselves in whatever area they want to become expert. Balance is fulfilling your inherent needs. Training is fulfilling the intellectual aspect. With a dog – we might train them “sit,” “down,” “stay,” “heel,” but no dog raised on its own would teach itself to do that.

What we might see as gross behavior is them exploring the world, using their imagination. If kids are allowed to explore – to touch things, smell things, taste and feel things that are safe and healthy – finger paint, sand, water, healthy food – they satisfy the curiosity. As parents, we need to provide the ability to explore this innate need.

(Why the fuck are you asking me all these dumb ass questions, you stupid fucking broad?)

Cesar Millan (on the eve of his divorce announcement, btw)

Okay, he was a bit tetchy but, whatevs. Good advice? What say you?