[Trying to Get Fucked] In Park Slope
"Mark" | Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 10:33AM 
This is an ongoing series in which we attempt to bring you lots 'o different perspectives on what its like to *actually* live in Park Slope...from readers just like you (or not--that's the whole point).
This week's column is special cause its gonna go down all regular-n-shit, once-a-week style: meet our own Jew-cy, randy, "can I get some action up in herrre, plz!," Park Slope hetero: "Mark*" (*names have been changed to protect the soon-to-be-fucked).
I've been fucked in Park Slope, and I wouldn't mind it happening again. Soon, preferably.
I've lived here for five years; through long-term relationships, long-distance flings (read: Williamsburg), and long-lasting dry spells. I've been dry for months now. The longest since I awkwardly convinced my first girlfriend a decade ago that having sex with me was a good idea (it wasn't). I'm ashamed to say that the last time I saw a girl naked was September.
Fuck. September?!
Seeing that in writing doesn't do much for my confidence.
If it's any consolation (to me at least), that girl in September was hot. So hot, that even when I quickly realized she had severe depression, possible bipolar disorder, and SERIOUS daddy issues, I decided I might as well let it go on a bit longer. I met her on a bus. Not an MTA bus. A Greyhound. And she was making out with me before the trip was over. That's telling. Sometimes you gotta be shallow to boost your self-esteem.
But now that's what appears to be the problem. Perhaps she raised my standards too high? I mean, I'm a good looking guy, and my credentials are in order: I'm tall, 29, Jewish, and an attorney. That's what single girls in the Slope want, right? That, or other chicks.
So, if I don't care who comes home with me (which is starting to become the norm), I should be able to walk into the nearest bar (well, not the nearest bar....that's Buttermilk, and I don't think my credentials are accepted there), sit down, conduct interviews (question 1: do you want to have sex with me?), and go home with someone (anyone) within a few drinks time.
So with an increasing libido, and decreasing self-esteem, and with a second date on Friday night with a person I don't care to have sex with...stay tuned.
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Reader Comments (3)
By itself, the law thing doesn't impress girls in park slope. You need to lie and say you do "environmental law," or something like that.
Good luck, Mr esq! I met my fiance on a craigslist "casual encounters" date right here in the Slope... I lived on President (31, tall blonde Australian currently working in HR to feed my crappy novel writing habit), he was 29, lawyer, and lived on Carroll. Um, I know you're not looking for anything but a good ole shag right now but be encouraged! There is that and a whole lot more in these here named and numbered streets.
why don't you just set him up with the new girl?